The Genderbent Guy’s Guide to Bra Shopping

Because I know some of you are facing this potential problem.

Now, perhaps you saw the latest episode of Kampfer and thought, “Good lord, Day told us how to use the bathroom as a female, but she never explained the whole bra thing! What am I gonna do?!?!” But, worry not, for I hath returned once more to aid my dear readers who woke up and found themselves to be suddenly female.

First of all, you have to go to a bra store.

Ok, ok – I know, that’s really fucking scary! But don’t worry, I’m gonna try to break it down and make it easier for you.

First, since you’re pretty new at this, a small tip – avoid places like Victoria’s Secret or Lady Scarlet’s. Both of these places are purely about lingerie; it’ll just freak you out. So where should you go? Easy – a department store. Here, you can ease your way into the bra section – you needn’t be assaulted by it and waves of perfume like you would at a standalone store! Department stores also are less lurid in general. Embarrassed about looking at bras? Don’t worry, at department store bra sections they have bras with cups so big you could use them as a hat! Laughs ease any situation!

But, let’s be honest – going into the store isn’t the hardest part. The hardest part is finding a bra that’ll fit you right.

Ok, breathe easy. In anime, this is always when someone brings along a female friend. WRONG, DON’T DO THAT. The writers of shows like Kampfer don’t seem to understand how most women bra shop. Most women don’t bra shop together! I know this may come as a shock, but its true. So leave the ladyfriend at home, ok?

So how do you get the right size?

You have two options here: google bra measuring on the intertubery, or you can rely on the wonderful sales ladies at the bra department. In your case, this is pretty new, so go for the workers at the bra department. Don’t worry, they’re experts at this! They’ve been doing it for ages! And if you’re worried about them seeing your cleavage or boobs, don’t be; these ladies have seen so much boobage, its basically about as interesting as watching paint dry for them.

So, now you’re in one of the changing stalls, and they’re about to measure you. Take a deep breath; it involves a tape measure, but it only has two parts to determine the size. It may be a little awkward, but an experienced saleslady can get it done pretty fast. After getting your measurement, she can also recommend a few different styles that will work with your overall body type. Take her advice; you’re a guy, you have no fucking idea of what actually works (and if you think you do because your girlfriend thanked you for buying her lingerie… she was just being nice).

Now you’re trying them on; the saleslady will wait outside of your changing stall if you ask. If you’re not sure of how one fits, you can ask her, and she can tell you right away. However, here are some things to look for – are you bulging over the edge? does your bust jiggle when you take a few steps? is the band cutting into your skin? If any of these are true, you need a different bra. Just remember – if you’re jiggling, those straps are adjustable! The same applies to any bulging. Adjust as necessary, but if you can’t find a happy medium wherein you’re not bulging or jiggling, the bra is just wrong for you.

Once you’ve got a bra you like, grab two more of it – you can’t wear the same bra every single day! Now go pay for them (warning: bras aren’t cheap!). Congratulation; you now are the proud owner of some bras.