Hint: It starts with a ‘k’ and ends with a ‘ampfer’.

*sighs* So… I’ve decided to drop Kampfer. I can’t even be bothered to type it correctly, in all its fake-ish German glory. Although the first few episodes were strangely fun to watch in a kind of “Wow, this really sucks!” kind of way, its all become too irritating for me to take. Suffice to say, I am not the target audience.

However, before parting, I’d love to ask whether the people who first created this have ever met a girl or woman in their entire lives. Because, quite frankly, I really don’t think they have. No, anime characters don’t count.

Girls actually *don’t* suddenly turn into lesbians in the absence of men. I find it really hilarious that all the girls are depicted as “lesbians” but none of the guys are implied to be gay – no, they just act even more ridiculous about the girls on the other side of the school than usual. But those ladies? Well, if they have no men to fuss over, they’ll just fuss over a pretty lady instead! It isn’t even like they’re in a legit single-sex setting, though, because they know about the guys on the other side and they live in an essentially non-sex-segregated society, so you can’t really pull the Saudi Arabia argument. I mean, I know if I was the main character it’d make sense that they were all crazy about me, but I’m not, so its a little baffling.

On the upside, Natsuru is actually a pretty decent guy, at least. He’s really leagues ahead of so many of the harem leads we get these days.

Also, the girls’ school setting – this is about as accurate as the girls’ schools you see in stuff like Maria-sama ga Miteru where everyone is being all proper. You want an accurate representation of a girls’ school? Watch High School Girls. Its not perfect, but its closer than this. This may come as a shock to many of you, but, when left to our own devices, us ladies end up basically having a locker-room level of discourse like you guys do. Not all of us, but, then again, not all guys do either (hellooo Liberty University). Not only that, but we also talk about fun stuff like periods. BLOOOOD BLOOD BLOOOOOD. TAMPONS!

Sorry, I had to do that… I know it freaks guys out, so I couldn’t help myself… One time in JROTC, we tied a tampon to an inflated trash bag and threw it around the back of the bus during a trip. It was hilarious, and a bunch of the guys started shrieking and flipping out.

Also, if someone like female-Natsuru suddenly appeared on campus, chances are everyone would be a lot bitchier about it. Girls’ high schools are kind of insular, so transfers get tortured before they get accepted. It’s like a sorority, duh.

Anyway, I’ll head this off before someone starts whining – I know, I know: Kampfer isn’t supposed to be high art. But the sheer absurdity of it is a bit astounding. I’ll miss the Entrails Animals, but probably not much else. Oh, yeah, and Marina Inoue voicing a guy.

9000 is for wimps.

Sometime overnight… I got my 100,000th hit! Holy shit! This calls for a celebration!

I was quite happy to use a Tenchi Muyo! image, as I still revere TM! for being one of my earliest anime, and still find it extremely entertaining. It makes me a bit sad, in fact, that it no longer is one of those ‘gatekeeper’ anime – used to be everyone basically had to watch it for whatever reason in order to be part of anime fandom. Ah well, I guess even someone like Tenchi these days is too strong of a harem lead (if TM! were a more recent creation, it would’ve had to have been done by KyoAni, since Tenchi isn’t totally useless and is actually pretty nice… therefore, he couldn’t really come from another studio’s harem show!).

Anyway, I digress (although I will point out that there was a very quick and clever TM! joke in Seitokai no Ichizon’s first episode). I hit 100,000 despite having not posted in a few days, which makes me feel a wee bit guilty – at the very least I certainly could’ve given all of you something decent to have read to reach that mark! Ah well. I’ve been working on a script for a one-act play contest, so I’ve been a wee bit busy as of late. Last year I placed as a runner-up (two winners were selected), and I would really like to improve upon that finish.

In other news, I scored 277 on my military physical fitness test. I know this is essentially Greek to most of you, but I’ve been working my way toward improving my score, and that represents an improvement. The scale is 300, and the minimum passing score is 180. BOW DOWN BEFORE MEEEEE. Wanna criticize me? Well, I can do more push-ups than you! I once used that as an argument in class because some of my classmates are so insufferable as to not deserve decent answers; the person in question was absolutely baffled by this response to his argument, and I was thoroughly amused. However, I go to a very, very Southern school, so the manliest guy on campus is whomever is wearing the pastel-iest, most plaid and/or animal print covered pants with the most flamboyantly-hued shirt, complete with multi-colored Sperry’s and pink and yellow-striped socks, so… being able to do lots of push-ups doesn’t matter. I think it’d only matter if it somehow got you a better place to sit at the horse derby. Or is one of the fraternities had it as a test for getting into their frat!

…hmm. I don’t know where I was going with any of this? I think I’ll just list the stuff I’m still watching of this season:

• Kampfer
• 11Eyes
• Kimi no Todoke
• Kobato.
• Seitokai no Ichizon
• Sasameki Koto
• Yumeiro Patissierre
• Inu-Yasha: The Final Act
• Darker then Black: Ryuusei no Gemini

Well, shit, that’s a lot of shows. Kampfer is edging toward being dropped, though, and I constantly have the urge to punch the love interest in Sasameki Koto. I also want to stab the female childhood friend in 11Eyes for only saying one thing over and over again (because I needed to know how many ways she can say/shriek/warble the hero’s name!). I dropped Nyankoi! because it ended up being epically stupid and a harem, and I dropped Letter Bee for allowing its more obnoxious elements (e.g. the pantsless loli) to kill its more charming aspects. And I haven’t started Aoi Bungaku yet, although it looks like pure, distilled awesome.

But, yes…. ONE HUNDRED FUCKING THOUSAND. The vast majority of the hits have come this year.

Oh, and my top search term for this year?

Hamlet.

Yeah.

…

Go type it into Google image search – I’m the top hit. For something really amusing, paste this: “Гамлет” into Google image search. You done it yet? Well, now you’ll see that I’m the third hit for Hamlet when its written in Russian. Now that’s pretty funny.

Or, why I’m not enjoying Sasameki Koto.

Fans of legit yuri have been a bit lucky lately – we’ve been getting shows that are actually good and which are actually about women liking women, not all fanservice-y empty gestures solely for the purpose of making fanboys merry (because, yes, it is usually fanboys who get merry over all of this). The women and girls of these shows actually behave like one might expect a real-life woman or girl to act – what a bizarre concept!

Sasameki Koto is on the end of the spectrum wherein the girls actually act like girls, and they actually like each other and are not being run-over by fanservice every six seconds. And yet… I just am not really into it.

I’d read part of the Sasameki Koto manga not too long ago, as Erica Friedman over on Okazu had mentioned it several times in reviewing it and in her weekly Yuri news segment whenever compiled volumes were looking to hit the shelves. She had been fairly positive about it, and I was between Aoi Hana scanlations, so I figured I’d check it out. But, sadly, it never really clicked; I just couldn’t see what was so good about it. I figured perhaps the anime would breathe some life into it for me, so I decided to tune in anyway.

In watching the anime, I suddenly realized why I don’t really like the show or manga – I can’t stand Ushio (interestingly enough, Erica recently admitted in a review of the first few episodes that she also realized in watching that she doesn’t like Ushio). In fact, I dislike Ushio so much so that I found myself cheering for the guy, Akemiya. Wait, what? I’m cheering for the guy in a yuri show? What the fuck is up with that?

Ushio is, quite honestly, that guy crazy girl you knew in high school… except she’s girl crazy. So much so that she can’t see the fact that Sumi is bonkers for her, and is totally awesome in so many ways (such, as, oh, I don’t know, the fact that she actually likes girls) that put her way ahead of any of the fluffy-types that Ushio is after. She’s ignorant of Sumi’s feelings, and because of that, she repeatedly hurts her. I know she doesn’t know that she is, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is; and while intended malice is fairly rotten, there’s something particularly cruel about the unintended variety, as it seems to indicate a lack of care for the other.

So, basically put – Ushio sucks, and Sumi deserves better. Akemiya is very much crazy about Sumi, and to me seems to be the much better choice; he likes her as she is, and just comes across as a very, very sweet guy. Ushio on the other hand… urk. However, this is yuri, so Akemiya is destined to lose. Very lame. I can only wish that he was legit a girl since then he would have actually have a chance.

Damn, I wish they’d animate Milk Morinaga’s Girl Friends.

*sulks*

EDIT: I realize my title is a bit misleading, so I apologize – the fact is, its more a matter of not wanting Ushio to win out as opposed to wanting Akemiya to, although I would be happier were Akemiya to end up with Sumi.

NOOOO WHYYYYY

Ugh. If I have to see budgets being put toward harem shows, couldn’t they at least be something other than mind-numbingly dull? I can has another Kanon? Or H2O~footprints in the sand~? A trainwreck is fine, too!

EDIT: Actually, the post title is a bit misleading – at least the devil would be interesting. I wish they let me write harem shows; they’d be really, realllly fucking awesome if I did. Although they might all just star some poorly-disguised version of myself having the entire school (because these always take place in high schools!) going “KYAHHHH~~!!” over me. And I’d just sashay into every room in a totally debonair manner, and sparkles would suddenly appear.

Hmm. Maybe my goal in life should be to grow up to be a bishounen.

Boo.

While I’m planning to sit back and watch The Wickerman (the original, not that crappy Nicholas Cage remake), there are certainly a number of anime that are suitable to the Halloween mood. I’ve tossed together a list of the best here.

Kakurenbo: Hide and Seek

Central Park Media released this a number of years ago to little fanfare (I believe it is also one of the last anime properties they ever licensed, incidentally), which is too bad, as this is a genuinely creepy movie. Essentially, the premise is this – in a wasteland of a city, children can participate in a sinister version of hide and seek, one wherein it is rumored that participants never return. All that’s needed is to doin a fox mask and show up in groups of seven in front of a gate within the city. From there, they enter the game.

As the screenshot and the mention of the fox masks suggest, there is a strong element of traditional Japanese horror to be had here. However, the modern makes terrifying appearances here, lending further depth to the unnerving atmosphere and the unsettling nature of the game itself. And, as usual, the placement of children within a horror movie engenders more of an unpleasant feeling than would if these were adult players. Its a movie that steadily gets creepier, and much of it in retrospect is even creepier than it was when you view it for the first time; as such there’s a pretty good re-watch value on this one.

Honestly, this is probably one of the best things I can recommend for Halloween anime viewing. Not to be missed.

Vampire Princess Miyu OVA

While the TV series is certainly creepy as well, the Vampire Princess Miyu OVA doesn’t have the mitigating factor of Miyu pretending to be a regular schoolgirl and making friends. Instead, the OVA sticks pretty much to straight-up horror, Japanese-style… which is to say, nasty, unpleasant things happen to several innocent people for no apparent reason. Usually these nasty, unpleasant things involve getting eaten by demonic creatures. Since most blog readers have at least passing knowledge of VPM, I won’t take the time to go into details as I did with the more obscure Kakurenbo.

Another thing in the OVA’s favor for Halloween viewing is that it takes much less time than the TV series does, as it consists of four episodes total. So you could watch this all in one evening, and still have time left over for other types of Halloween pursuits.

Ghost Hunt: The Blood-Soaked Labyrinth

(episodes 18 – 21)

Ghost Hunt is an okay show, overall, but its Blood-Soaked Labyrinth arc really outshines anything else it has to offer. Here, the proceedings actually cross over into scare territory, something that I find is more difficult to do with animation than with live-action simply because I don’t live in an animated world; which is to say, its easier to separate one’s own reality from it. In this arc, people vanish in a demonic mansion, and an evil aura persistently hangs over the property, while the walls are tainted with desperate pleas written in blood by the dead. While most of Ghost Hunt is better described as ’supernatural’ as opposed to ‘horror’, this arc rests firmly in the horror genre.

Even if you haven’t ever watched Ghost Hunt before, you honestly don’t need to have in order to enjoy this set of episodes. The entire show is structured in arcs of two to four episodes, and they work fairly well as standalones. The Blood-Soaked Labyrinth is no different, although perusing a brief character guide might help with the initial proceedings.

Hitsuji no Uta

Its a little hard to recommend the Hitsuji no Uta anime, as it compacts seven volumes of material into four episodes. While it certainly doesn’t have to resort to the hack and slash that some manga have had when turned into an OVA, it nevertheless leaves out some details. As such, I can’t exactly say that the OVA is a great one. However, at the same time, it is fairly solid, and is certainly in keeping with the Halloween mood.

Hitsuji no Uta is about a pair of siblings who suffer from a vampiric-like disease. The story begins with the boy, Kazuna, beginning to show symptoms of the disease, which bewilders him and leads him to seek out his older sister, whom he has not seen since he was very young. It is she who informs him of what is happening, having already gone through it herself, and the remainder of the story essentially consists of Kazuna’s development of the disease and his learning the cope with it, along with a lot of creepy family politics/dynamics.

Hitsuji no Uta is another deeply unsettling show; although the vampiric disease is certainly part of the creep factor, what is more disturbing here is the relationships amongst the characters. Yes, there’s horror-type imagery concerning blood and drinking of it, but the stuff that’ll leave you feeling unnerved is more troublesome than that.

Anyway, since Hitsuji no Uta is an OVA, you can easily power through it in one setting.

Someone got that reference, right?

Which is to say – anime bloggers and their readers aren’t completely one-dimensional in their interests, right?

Anyway, I have arrived at the decision that the best show of the season is… Yume-iro Pattissiere.

…

No, really.

Yume-iro Pattissiere is one of very few magical girl-type shows in recent years that is actually intended for young girls, not older men. Superficially, it seems to share some traits with one of the other few of these shows, Shugo Chara, although unlike that show, this will probably not devolve into filler hell since it is only slated for a scant thirteen episodes. And, in actuality, it honestly has more in common with a show such as Ouran High or Hana Yori Dango in that the focus is on school-life and all the little dramas associated with such a thing. Which is to say – yes, there be magical little helpers, but that is essentially the extent of magical involvement in the show… and, honestly, these little magical helpers could just as easily have been replaced with supportive friends, since they don’t really lend any magical aid.

The lack of lending magical aid actually plays into one of the strong points of the show, which is just that – the dessert fairies (known here as ‘Sweets Spirits’)? They don’t wave their little wands to make things magically better. Ichigo, our heroine, is actually disappointed when she realizes that Vanilla, her Sweet Spirit, has no intention of using magic to improve her abilities. Vanilla instead scolds her, and informs her that she can only get better if she works and practices. Good going, Vanilla! Its an approach that is extremely refreshing in a field where a magical element automatically means that our leading lady is suddenly going to be imbued with amazing powers, a la La Cordo d’Oro.

Given the previously described nature of the Sweets Spirits, they actually come off in a more delightful manner than magical aides usually do, in that they really come across as imaginary friends-ish in nature instead of as magical guides to help with the quest. Because of that, I get this sweet feeling of vague nostalgia when watching Yume-iro Pattissiere – I had imaginary friends! And they were awesome! (Ok, full disclosure: I had imaginary… armadillos.) They cheered me up when I was feeling a bit down, they kept me company when I felt lonely. [1] And this seems to be the real purpose of the Sweets Spirits – they bolster our protagonists when they’re feeling discouraged. Unlike the magical guide in shows such as CardCaptor Sakura or Pretty Cure, the purpose of these guides are solely to encourage their human counterparts in succeeding at their own, non-magical goals. [2]

Anyway, I’ll admit that Yume-iro Pattissiere isn’t exactly high art. In fact, it gets quite silly at points. But it is extremely enjoyable when taken on the merits of its genre, and Ichigo has a much more positive attitude than do many other shoujo heroines (her moping is mercifully confined primarily to the second episode at this point). Yeah, the reverse harem element is kind of dumb (I was amused by Ichigo’s realization that one of them is a bit of a narcissist, though), and a lot of the tropes have been done before, but the execution is quite fun. I wish they made more shows like this these days. (I also wish I had a Sweet Spirit, but that’s another matter entirely…)

*       *        *

[1] Curiously enough, I think I’ve carried over my habit of imaginary friends into my adulthood in a different form, in that I have the habit of addressing myself to the departed people I know (don’t worry, they’ve never responded – so I’m not crazy!). Granted, instead of this being a respite for boredom or loneliness, it is generally me telling them about things going on in my life or something of that sort. I’m not sure how crazy this comes across as being, but to quote my favorite football coach: it is what it is.

[2] There is a sub-plot that the Sweet Spirits have to collect these recipe cards (basically, they take a magical picture of the dessert that someone made and send it to their queen) in order to become pattissiere themselves, but this is very much in the background – Vanilla explains it once, and the only time it appears thereafter is when she sends the magical recipe cards in. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, the quest for the Sweet Spirits isn’t even remotely the focus of the show – the maturation of the heroine is of far greater importance.

Because I know some of you are facing this potential problem.

Now, perhaps you saw the latest episode of Kampfer and thought, “Good lord, Day told us how to use the bathroom as a female, but she never explained the whole bra thing! What am I gonna do?!?!” But, worry not, for I hath returned once more to aid my dear readers who woke up and found themselves to be suddenly female.

First of all, you have to go to a bra store.

Ok, ok – I know, that’s really fucking scary! But don’t worry, I’m gonna try to break it down and make it easier for you.

First, since you’re pretty new at this, a small tip – avoid places like Victoria’s Secret or Lady Scarlet’s. Both of these places are purely about lingerie; it’ll just freak you out. So where should you go? Easy – a department store. Here, you can ease your way into the bra section – you needn’t be assaulted by it and waves of perfume like you would at a standalone store! Department stores also are less lurid in general. Embarrassed about looking at bras? Don’t worry, at department store bra sections they have bras with cups so big you could use them as a hat! Laughs ease any situation!

But, let’s be honest – going into the store isn’t the hardest part. The hardest part is finding a bra that’ll fit you right.

Ok, breathe easy. In anime, this is always when someone brings along a female friend. WRONG, DON’T DO THAT. The writers of shows like Kampfer don’t seem to understand how most women bra shop. Most women don’t bra shop together! I know this may come as a shock, but its true. So leave the ladyfriend at home, ok?

So how do you get the right size?

You have two options here: google bra measuring on the intertubery, or you can rely on the wonderful sales ladies at the bra department. In your case, this is pretty new, so go for the workers at the bra department. Don’t worry, they’re experts at this! They’ve been doing it for ages! And if you’re worried about them seeing your cleavage or boobs, don’t be; these ladies have seen so much boobage, its basically about as interesting as watching paint dry for them.

So, now you’re in one of the changing stalls, and they’re about to measure you. Take a deep breath; it involves a tape measure, but it only has two parts to determine the size. It may be a little awkward, but an experienced saleslady can get it done pretty fast. After getting your measurement, she can also recommend a few different styles that will work with your overall body type. Take her advice; you’re a guy, you have no fucking idea of what actually works (and if you think you do because your girlfriend thanked you for buying her lingerie… she was just being nice).

Now you’re trying them on; the saleslady will wait outside of your changing stall if you ask. If you’re not sure of how one fits, you can ask her, and she can tell you right away. However, here are some things to look for – are you bulging over the edge? does your bust jiggle when you take a few steps? is the band cutting into your skin? If any of these are true, you need a different bra. Just remember – if you’re jiggling, those straps are adjustable! The same applies to any bulging. Adjust as necessary, but if you can’t find a happy medium wherein you’re not bulging or jiggling, the bra is just wrong for you.

Once you’ve got a bra you like, grab two more of it – you can’t wear the same bra every single day! Now go pay for them (warning: bras aren’t cheap!). Congratulation; you now are the proud owner of some bras.

I feel like I should at least let folks know I’ve managed to not accidentally drown myself in alcohol yet (actually, for the record, the last time I drank was over two weeks ago anyway). I am still pretty massively down in the dumps, though, so I thought I’d just compile a list of good anime music to listen to when you’re feeling completely bummed out.

The List

• Aya – OVER NIGHT (Le Chevalier D’Eon ED)
• dream – My Will (Inu Yasha OP 1)
• Yui Horie – Vanilla Salt (Toradora! OP 1) (no, I don’t know why I can stand this when I’m sad, but it makes me feel a little better)
• Lia – Toki wo Kizamu Uta (Clannad~After Story OP)
• Lia – Tori no Uta (AIR OP)
• Mike Wyzgowski – Nothing Can Be Explained (Bleach insert song)
• Naomi Kaitani – Tooi Kono Machi de (CardCaptor Sakura 1st Movie ED)
• Nightmare – Lost in Blue (Mouryou no Hako OP)
• Mamiko Noto – Ichinuke (Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae ED)
• Mamiko Noto – Karinui (Jigoku Shoujo ED)
• Shinkichi Mitsumune – Shi no Aphrodite, Aphrodite Scat, Shi no Aphrodite: Reminiscence of Death (Revolutionary Girl Utena BGM’s; all these tend to associated with Juri, if I’m not mistaken, and are different versions of the same song)
• Shinkichi Mitsumune – Fruit of Sin (Rev Girl Utena BGM)
• SNoW – NightmaRe (Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori OP)
• Kanon Wakeshima – Suno no Oshiro (Vampire Knight Guilty ED)
• Weiβ kreuz – Epitaph (Weiβ kreuz soundtrack song) (Weiβ kreuz is also the name for the recording group which consisted of the four voice actors for the main characters in the show)
• Weiβ kreuz – Last in My Winds, One More Angel, Stone Roses (Weiβ kreuz Gluhen ED), The Road, Shadows and Lights, Shindemo Ii (Weiβ kreuz is actually a pretty good source for this kind of music since the whole show was basically one big angstfest)
• Marina Inoue – Houseki (Petit Cossette ED)
• Yuuko Sasaki – Pure Snow (better known as a J-pop track, was the ED for some forgettable harem-type show)
• Rio Natsuki – Namida-iro no sora ni wa… (Battle Athletes Victory insert song)

The J-Pop List

• Ayumi Hamasaki – Endless Sorrow
• Ayumi Hamasaki – Powder Snow (acoustic)
• Ayumi Hamasaki – Still Alone
• Dir en Grey – Zakuro
• Dragon Ash – Melancholy
• The Kinki Kids – To Heart

I used to have some Hysteric Blue that was good for when I felt sad, but for some reason I can’t find it on my computer… and I deleted all my Mr. Children stuff because he’s too fucking sappy.

Thanks for the condolences on the last post. I’m still pretty down about the whole thing, but I’m feeling better than I was last week, so there’s some improvement. Sorry for clogging up the internets with the scourge of the aniblogosphere, a.k.a. personal stuff.

P.S. – Okay, I lied, I started drinking with a friend, but they left and I’m still tipsy, who wants to be my AIM buddy? (not AiM buddy!) (she has a hot voice)

“You remember the steps to the dance, but the music has stopped.”

This is a post I’ve stopped and started several times over the last few days.

This is yet another installment in the Diary of an Anime Lived series which 21stcenturydigitalboy started. If you haven’t checked out his posts, or the posts of other participants, I would really encourage you to do so, as they are both well-written and extremely engrossing. Think of it as a very rare chance to have a glimpse of our humanity in a way that regular, everyday blogging doesn’t normally allow (at least not in the sense you get from Diary of an Anime Lived).

I’ll be honest – in a way, I feel like I’m cheating in labeling this as ‘Diary of an Anime Lived’, as, in this case, it isn’t precisely about anime and my life. Instead, its about my life and… a few pieces of music from anime. So I apologize for cheating in that regard, although I do believe it still fits with the basic theme. (I also apologize to anyone who thought this post related to ef~a tale of melodies~.)

Where shall I begin?

Its difficult to begin, because essentially I should begin with the fact that a good friend of mine suddenly passed away last week. This is something that is, though, hard to relate to others; telling someone that someone you know and cared about and loved (and continue to care about and love) has died is very difficult to do. Making such a statement is effectively a conversation killer, simply because it requires a response that is hard to actually formulate in a manner that doesn’t sound completely wooden. What do you say when someone tells you that their friend has died? Everyone falls back on cultural expectations, because that is the pattern we’ve learned. Even as we feel awkward in responding as we are socially taught to, we can’t help but continue in that vein, since we really have no other rubric to utilize.

Well, I hope that made sense, because I’m actually not making a hell of a lot of sense lately.

But, yes, a good friend of mine died last week, and I’m still fairly numb. The fact that I’ve experienced the death of a loved one so recently may come as something of a shock, given that my most recent posts hardly suggest such a thing, and neither do any comments I’ve made on anyone else’s blog, but I have been operating on a weird split, wherein I behave like a “normal” person when I’ve been online, as, in a way, it was easier to – it permitted some very brief escapism. I would also remark that I’ve barely gotten past the entire shock stage, so it doesn’t always all feel very real. However, I do digress.

So we come to the matter of anime, and, specifically, music.

There are only two songs I’ve been able to listen to since my friend’s death. The first is actually a return to an old bastion, as I listened to it constantly last autumn when my old sergeant died.

Toki wo Kizamu Uta probably works as a choice because of its associations, so I suppose in a sense I am properly drawing in anime in a post that allegedly relies upon anime by its very title. However, it isn’t the anime’s events specifically that I used to comfort myself, but the song itself, with attached associations of loss. This difference matters, because the song comes across as bittersweet, whereas the anime has an explicitly happy ending. There cannot be a happy ending in the case of my friend; unlike in Clannad~After Story~, I won’t suddenly realize that I have been dreaming when a lonely girl in a snowy world saves my friend and enables a happier reality. In this life, you get one chance.

Toki wo Kizamu Uta, based on the visuals from the opening sequence, remains firmly sad. Nagisa is shown in various moments as a young woman, as a high school student who is mostly happy. We then see everyone else looking sad – and older, something certainly worth noticing – because Nagisa has died, and she has died young. I have always found something very tragic in that, because one becomes frozen forever as a young person, and it strikes me as deeply sad for someone to remain young forever.

So, as I said before, Toki wo Kizamu Uta is sad because of the associations it brings to mind whenever I heard it – it is a bittersweet song in and of itself, but I don’t have the level of Japanese comprehension to appreciate that fact sans a lyrics translation sheet, otherwise I surely wouldn’t need the association of the visuals for it to be sad. However, even if I knew the lyrics, it would leave out of the equation the fact that Nagisa dies very young. This is important in my experience of the song in my current context, because my friend has died, and she has died young (not much older than Nagisa in After Story, actually).

The only way I can describe my experience of the song now is that its like warm milk. It comforts me somewhat, and it doesn’t prod at me sharply like much of my other music would at this time. So I hit the reset button constantly, listening to it over and over again. Its a sad song in my conception, and so it doesn’t disturb me with a happiness I can’t handle at the moment. It says, “You’re sad, and I’m sad, and that’s too bad, but it’s also okay.” I don’t think that makes sense exactly, so let me explain a little more clearly – its as if I’m being told that it is alright for me to feel sad, that I don’t need to pinch my cheeks and paste a smile onto my face and go re-enter public life; I am allowed to not be happy.

Now, when I said ‘a few pieces of music’, it would’ve actually been more accurate to say a ‘couple’. Because the other song that is in heavy rotation for me is the Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae closer, Ichinuke.

Ichinuke is another sad, soft song, a song that doesn’t jar me at all. I can take it easily, either actively listening to it, or allowing it to exist as background to whatever else I have been doing in the week since my friend’s death. But, in particular, there is one line that snags me: “Hitori nukeru.”

This can be translated a few different ways, but I remember one fansub group translated it as ‘One fell out.’, which I personally prefer over other translation (‘One escaped’, ‘One left’, etc.) simply because it sounds better. But knowing that rendering, I find a resonance with my friend’s death, and the way those of us left behind are feeling about it. My friend… committed suicide. And even though I know I can’t blame myself, and we all know we can’t blame ourselves, I nevertheless can’t help but feel that I, all of us, failed my friend. We let my friend fall – ‘One fell out.’ My friend felt so lonely that they took their own life. They really did fall out.

And so I keep listening, over and over and over, because somehow hearing it said aloud makes me feel… not better, but… something that’s more productive than complete numbness and/or despair. If I hear it out loud, this notion of falling out, it makes it easier to address, easier to tackle the entire thing. I know we can’t blame ourselves, but we do. Given that, to hear it stated, even though it obviously wasn’t intended explicitly for this situation, makes it more possible for me to look at the guilt I feel head on, and begin to work through it.

But I still think we let you fall out. And I’m so sorry we did. I’m sure you would tell us its not our fault, and I’m sure you’re right, but I continue to believe otherwise nevertheless. One fell out.

Seriously.

Yeah, remember where I sort of, kind of alleged I’d be heading off for sleep in my last post? I then remembered how ridiculously hot one of the new characters in Darker than Black: Ryuusei no Gemini is.

She’s strong, and she’s no-nonsense. She holds her own perfectly well against Hei in a fight. She also has this wicked awesome suit. I’d hit that… with a truck. Hurrr.

But Darker than Black has always had a pretty good track record with attractive characters, especially strong female ones.

Hot scientist lady? Yes please. I was so bummed when she got killed in the second episode, I really liked her quite a bit.

And one cannot forget Section Chief Kirihara! She’s competent, she can shoot, she’s got a cool head on her shoulders… what’s not to like? I love her pantsuit~

Kirihara’s friend Kanami is pretty cute, too. She’s an astronomer; I wanted to be an astronomer when I was a little kid before I realized the ridiculous amounts of math involved.

And lest one think Darker than Black is limited only to making attractive females…

I actually like him a bit better with his clothes on – I kind of have a thing about suits, in case you haven’t noticed. But, hey, a naked is fine too. November 11 doesn’t just get by with a pretty face, though, I thought he was pretty badass… and he had a great death scene.

What about Hei? Hei in his “I’m a harmless student with part-time jobs!” mode is kind of moe, in a way. Or something like that.

However, let us return to the matter of the ladies – the ladies of Darker than Black aren’t just hot because of how they look; instead, its the totality of their characters. They are all independent characters, not the moe sops you get in so many shows these days. They don’t trip over thin air, they can hold their own in a fight, and they both look and act their age. Basically… they’re really fucking cool. So, I guess that means really fucking cool = hot. I can roll with that.