Anime (Fandom) Has Corrupted Me

Can you hear that sound? It’s the sound of my soul rotting.

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who rediscovered the road to anime via a new love for Pokemon and the rekindling of an old love for Sailor Moon via DiC dubs in reruns at the asscrack of dawn on UPN. Recalling fond memories of those distant afternoons of Sailor Moon and Samurai Pizza Cats, and realizing that Pokemon was somehow related to these, she dipped her toes in with great enthusiasm. A haphazard road of the popular (Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Digimon, Tenchi Muyo) and the obscure (Don’t Leave Me Alone Daisy, Haunted Junction, Video Girl Ai) lead to the blossoming of young love.

But this young love lead her down a road fraught with confusion, as she dizzily entered the world of fanfiction and encountered befuddling terms such as ‘yaoi’, ‘lemon’, and ‘PWP’. Understanding bloomed, but she stuck to those innocent sort of things which lacked in this strange ‘yaoi’ and ‘lemon’ and ‘yuri’ stuff.

Nine years later, she became a 4chan addict.

Wait, what?

When I first truly became an anime fan (so, not counting my early glee over Sailor Moon and Samurai Pizza Cats), I had just turned eleven years old. Somehow, I watched Tenchi Muyo and missed all the innuendo and fanservice (granted, the only bit of it I saw subbed was the final volume of Shin Tenchi Muyo – I had a friend with decidedly odd buying habits whereby she bought the final volumes of shows before anything else). And I’d somehow grown to the age of eleven without noticing that gay people exist – although this I suspect isn’t too uncommon for people my age. And sex? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I learned what that was from a fanfic (and, if I recall correctly, it was a Digimon fanfic *shudders*). But, even so, I was pretty vanilla in what I wanted to watch and what I wanted to read or look at.

However, time passed, and I began to guiltily read ‘shounen-ai’ fanfics (which also shows my age, as I’ ve noticed that that term has basically been replaced by ‘BL’). And I watched the Please Save My Earth OVA and obsessively hit the replay button on the kissing scene between Jinpachi and Issei. Then ‘shoujo-ai’ smacked me in the face in the form of Battle Athletes Victory, and I with horror lept up to cover the screen of the computer as two of the females kissed because I was scared my mom would see. Ditto for this full-frontal nudity scene in Nightwalker that had nipples.

I’m not exactly sure what happened between then and my sudden mass consumption of yaoi, but I do distinctly recall surreptitiously tearing the plastic wrap off of the last volume of FAKE in the bathroom of a Barnes & Noble so I could buy it sans ID.

However, I would blame fandom moreso than the medium itself, and perhaps specifically fanfiction for my earlier… ‘transgressions’, shall we say. Fanfiction taught me what shounen-ai, shoujo-ai, yaoi, yuri, lemon, lime (both of which I think have fallen out of favor just like shounen-ai and shoujo-ai have), hentai, and non-con were. Shouta-con was happily explained to me by the aforementioned Haunted Junction – amusingly enough, I didn’t know what a lolicon was until years later.

So, ok, I was sneakily reading some yaoi with not terribly explicit sex scenes in the locker room while skipping my Mandarin class, but I guess it wasn’t too bad. But, DAMN, fandom lead me further astray! I cringe in memory of a fairly explicit piece of Trigun fanfiction I read involving Wolfwood and Vash and alcohol (yes, I just died a little inside, too).

Then came the next stage – incest. Whoa, wait, cousins kissing cousins? Well, yeah, that was all… at first. Oh, hey, is that twincest I see? And they’re both guys? Hey, that’s kind of hot, sign me up!

Err, no mom, there’s nothing weird on my screen, I’m just doing my English homework, I swear.

I sort of gave up at some point, and decided that sibcon was perfectly a-ok with me. Was this because I read Angel Sanctuary? No. Was it because Koikaze humanized it? Nope – I’m just a pervert.

By the way, to go back to the yaoi part, I’ll have to admit that I’m one of those… desperate yaoi fans, by which I mean, if I were to list all the sheer crap I’ve watched merely for the promise of boys kissing or feeling fluttery about each other, it’d be obscene. This fact is why I consider myself a yaoi fangirl but not a yuri fangirl – I will certainly watch yuri, but I actually need substance to it (ok, so I watched Strawberry Panic, but that was because dying of laughter once a week seemed like a fantastic idea) a la Maria-sama ga Miteru. Meanwhile, yaoi? Oh, hey, Junjou Romantica, you might qualify as the dumbest, trashiest thing I’ve ever seen in animated form, but look, sex scenes! I’m on-board for that!

And then this year I just threw up my hands and decided to give hentai a go. When I think of some of the seriously explicit stuff I’ve read (granted, a lot of this includes just regular literature) or seen (heloooo fanart), it doesn’t really seem all that bad.

Oh, yeah, and there’s that 4ch habit I picked up somewhere along the way; you can blame the folks on /cm for my new interest in Elricest. As I sit there and scroll down those little boards, clicking merrily on thumbnails, I smell this pungent odor in the air, and happily post a picture to the thread along with a comment that, hey guys, I’m going to hell!

I think the most disturbing development in all of this, however, is that I find myself craning my neck, trying to see up skirts or down shirts while watching anime… ’cause, y’know, me switching angles is going to make me able to see more on a screen, huh? Also, me trying to see panties? What the fuck has happened to me? Damn fandom, in another few years I’ll be hiding in my room filming pornos with my future figurine collection. My planned purchase of a eroge dating sim is definitely a step in that direction.

I would also like to point out that I also find it seriously problematic that my mind instantly pairs off male characters in series I’m watching or reading – look, I might be a bit of a fanatic, but, good god, I’d like to appreciate friendship as friendship once in a while instead of as potential lust that blooms within poorly written albeit completely smutty fanfiction. But, nooo, my brain insists on turning it into hentai waiting to happen. Thanks a lot, brain.

However, even as I acknowledge that I have become somewhat depraved, I keep on eating it up like a diabetic who loves ice cream. As we speak, I’m madly clicking away on 4ch (only /cm!), and getting sorely tempted to re-post something here…

Aww, hell, if my soul is already rotting away, might as well.

Hmm, you might not want to scroll down… just a heads up if BL or incest really isn’t your thing. But if you’re reading my blog it might be.



Hey, that was like a visual novel what with the periods and everything.

New goal in life: hentai or visual novel writer. I’d totally own.

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14 Responses to Anime (Fandom) Has Corrupted Me

  1. Anonymous says:

    So loli fujoshi is moe?

  2. Sagacious1 says:

    You know, normally I couldn’t give a rats ass about one of those “A look into the life of ” posts, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t find this entertaining as hell. (Actually, I guess I’d be damned either way) =\

    There’s just something about that slide from innocence to degeneracy we can all relate to, I suppose.

  3. DrmChsr0 says:



  4. issa-sa says:

    Better a ‘corrupted’ anime fan than a holier-than-thou bore-pot in RL imho!

  5. adaywithoutme says:

    @ Anonymous – No, loli fujoshi is not moe.

    @ Sagacious1 – Well, I’m glad it was entertaining enough for you to have read it despite not being a fan of ‘srs biznes RL’ posts.

    @ DrmChsr0 – Which part?

    @ issa-sa – I am merrily a total perv – bring on the hentai!

  6. Baka-Raptor says:

    I just found out what /cm is…excuse me while I cleanse my eyes with Clorox.

  7. adaywithoutme says:

    @ Baka-Raptor – Don’t be a wuss, it’s not like I sent you over to /y.

  8. sweetestgirl says:

    At the rate I’m going, I’ll be just like you in a couple of years. I’d say similar things about how fandom corrupts the innocent mind if I weren’t really, really enjoying it.

  9. sg says:

    This is the story of my life.
    Only I feel like I’m a little bit older than you are, and lost my lemon virginity to good old Ash and Gary…

    (Would you believe that I stumbled onto your post looking for Elricest wallpapers that 4chan hadn’t already provided for me?)

  10. jd says:

    this is my life in a nut shell but i went to far in high school and never finished and dropped out my last year of high school. i went to a place called job corp where i had passed 4/5 GED tests and then dropped out of there and then i finished my last test just recently. any way my life is on track now and i am doing great but i still love everything in the above story and it will never change.

  11. love yaoi and have never once felt guilty about reading fanfics and such even though im christian . . . but yes, im a total yaoi fangirl, especially L&Light and Ichigo&Ishida

  12. InuYashasLuvr4evr says:

    I got hooked too. Manga, lemons, hentai, incest, furries, tenticals and more. Never heard of 4/ch and /y, but it’s on my to do list now, hehe. You’re a good writer.

  13. Epithimia says:

    Whatever, I’m right on that path with you. Seriously, I started shounen-ai when I was 12 and ten years later I’m reading/writing Elricest? Lord, that was a journey for sure.

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