Stringendo & Accelerando Ultimatum Sera

Ugh, if I never see this much animated sperm again, it’ll be too soon.

Seriously, buckets of sperm isn’t that sexy… watching it get smeared on the walls of a train and watching someone fill a cup with it and compare it to Calpis is just pretty gross.

Stringendo & Accelerando Ultimatum Sera is a title with a deceoptively flowery title and a serious lack of plot – which, really is ok, since it is a hentai. In it, two guys get screwed, one by the sexy upperclassman Mizuho, and the other by a weirdo girl on the train. These two stories are somewhat interwoven, although the players in both tales seem to have absolutely no relation to one another.

The show starts off with Mizuho helping three younger guys with their math homework as she gives a handjob to one of them. She then pretends to drop her eraser and finishes the guy off with a blowjob, sucking up all his sperm since he was worried about making a mess on his pants. The other two guys present seem confused as to why the third guy looks so worn out all of a sudden – I don’t know, given the hair-trigger response of the dicks of 16 year old guys, this just doesn’t seem terribly plausible, and I wonder why we didn’t just get a gang-bang – I mean, really, might as well, right? Those guys couldn’t have possibly missed the gratuitous slurping sounds unless they were deaf, after all.

Then we skip to the train girl and her hapless guy. She plays a simple guessing game with him, in which if he wins, he gets sexual favors… although he doesn’t realize this until she gives him a handjob the first time. He jizzes all over the door of the train, since all guys have enough sperm in them to completely coat the lower half of a door. When the guy guesses right again on something, she has sex with him, and he coats the door again. I’m glad that Japanese guys are that healthy, aren’t you. Unfortunately for our guy, though, train girl is psychotic, and the final guessing game involves her screaming, bringing people running from other cars, and demands the guy to tell her which car people will come from first… if he guesses right, she’ll be honest about the situation, if not, she’ll just say he’s a perv who has been jacking off near her. We see train girl later on the platform and hear some girls talking about a pervert who got arrested earlier, so I think you can guess how that little thing went.

Back to Mizuho and the other guy, she’s invited him to her house. She answers the door dressed all sexy, and gives him some Calpis to drink, then comments on how it looks like sperm. She also warns him that her dad hates guys she’s interested in, and they start some hanky-panky on the sofa before he opens the front door. Mizuho makes him some dinner, and gives the guy a blowjob through the doors of a cabinet he’s hiding in. Mm, more sperm. The guy then sneaks upstairs while she gives her dad his food, and then she goes and fucks the guy in her room. At the end she almost chokes on all his sperm as he comes in her mouth before she spits it all back into a glass. All I can say is that she must have a larger mouth than it looks, because I’m pretty sure he came enough to fill a half-gallon bottle of milk, and she spit out enough to fill half a large glass. So, things learned: a. Japanese guys have a LOT of sperm, b. Japanese girls have gigantic mouths.

I just am not a fan of train sex, Hi.Me.Go.To just totally ruined my ability to ever enjoy that. I’m also not crazy about excessive slurping sounds and gratuitous amounts of sperm. But, really what got me was all the slurping. I’m sure some people sound that way while having sex, but having sex with another person and slurping is one thing, watching people (albeit, animated) have sex and slurp a lot is another issue entirely. It’s just distasteful.

I do have to give credit for the variety of sex in here – we got blowjobs, handjobs, missionary, cowgirl, etc. in here. So it isn’t boring in terms of positions, that’s for sure. I was also surprised at how little the pixellation obscured from view, as you can generally make out a decent amount of detail on the genitalia.

Since I commented on how I would change Hi.Me.Go.To, I think I’ll do the same here. The opening scene definitely would’ve been a gang bang: we could’ve had Mizuho sandwiched, and one of the guys on another guy, which would’ve made me happy since me hearts the yaoi. Actually, it would’ve started with Mizhuo helping two of the guys with homework, that turning into a threesome, a third guy walking in on them, and Mizuho inviting the guy to hop on her other hole. Might as well, right? This would’ve gone on for longer than the original scene did, and I would’ve just gotten rid of the train sex part completely, since the girl was a. crazy, and b. didn’t make an “I’m having sex” face until the very end which, honestly, made the whole thing a little boring, because how can you really enjoy what you’re watching if the girl is keeping a completely neutral face? Seriously, geez. Then, the second part would’ve been basically the same, except minus the slurping, and Mizuho’s dad would’ve caught the guy and then had his way with him, just because.

Hentai is serious business.

Anyway, I might sound like I’m being too harsh on these hentai titles, but I did enjoy Resort Boin – I just need these shows to not take themselves too seriously, and Resort Boin didn’t – it had fun with what it was, and really had some great h-scenes. The only thing here that rated with Resort Boin, a.k.a. my gold standard (LOL) hentai title, was that ridiculous kitchen cabinet blowjob scene – that was so silly. When Mizuho suggested it while the guy hid in the cabinet, his dick just came popping out like a friendly dog and it was so stupid and hilarious.

Anyway, on technical details, the animation was fine, music forgettable, basically what you expect from your average hentai these days. Again, the pixellation let you see a remarkable amount of detail on genitalia.