WARNING: I JUST SLASHED A SHIT-TON OF BLOGGERS
Inspired by this.
Well, and the fact that my life over the past… hmm, sixteen hours or so has felt like some bizarro shoujo anime – there was a guy playing saxophone on the balcony across the courtyard from me who took requests from myself and my apartment-mates, and who had a lovely voice, but lacks a name thus far (oh, nameless princes…). And there’s a ridiculous amount of flowers petals that have been belching past my window for the past half hour or so.
Ok, maybe not quite enough to make a shoujo anime, but, please, that’s definitely a solid first episode in and of itself.
Originally, I was just going to do a ‘If life was like a yuri/BL light novel…’ thing, but then I figured I’d do the blogosphere only for now, since doing a real life version would end up just reading like a visual novel script. That, and I wanted to slash all the male bloggers.
We’ll start off with the blogosphere versions:
If the aniblogosphere was a BL light novel…
Baka-Raptor would be the tsundere lead, and, as such, basically all the guys who’re gay in the story would be after him. He would also cause confusion for some of the non-gay males, as they found themselves strangely attracted by his more deredere antics. Baka-Raptor can only blame himself for the fact that this is his role, given his habit of referring to himself as a dojikko, along with the fact that all the guys who read his blog are gay gay gaaaaay for him.
Shin would clearly be the perverted guy who hits on everyone, and is particularly aggressive toward the lead. Since this is a typical BL light novel, he would act as the interloper/cockblocker to whoever the second male lead was. He might also lead to a princely moment on the part of the second male lead, having backed our dear lead Baka-Raptor into a corner of sorts, be it physical or figurative.
JPMeyer gets to be the random straight guy in the entire thing. In some iterations of the BL light novel, this would actually make him the best friend of the lead… however, in most the best friend would be the one who gets screwed over in the end despite having ALWAYS LOVED THE LEAD, so we’ll just leave JP as the lone breeder in the mix.
Meanwhile, Omisyth would act as the slightly shy but endearing guy in the cast. He would by default have a crush on Baka-Raptor, but would probably not do anything active about it.
I kind of hemmed and hawed on who would end up as the second male lead, a.k.a. the one who wins Baka-Raptor, and decided it would be… Eternal. Which means that this BL light novel is not one of the ones wherein sexual harassment = love. Eternal wins over Baka-Raptor by being somewhat princely, in that he is intelligent, thoughtful, and inclined towards romantic gestures (and, clearly someone who is “in love with love” should be).
I’ll also toss in The Animanachronism, but, really, that’s just ’cause he’s my blogosphere crush he’s awesome, and I figured I’d do him the disservice of including him in this stupidity.
If the aniblogosphere was a yuri novel…
Actually, this is going to be trickier, since quite a few female bloggers don’t make their gender known, and I feel like we have less faux-homo-love farting around for each other. Which is kind of ironic, since in real life women generally have more overall room for same-sex affection than do men… yes, I know bromance is all the rage right not, but I still think generally female relationships are permitted more ambiguous behavior than male relationships.
Actually, this is really hard, I feel like our female bloggers don’t break down as well into yuri light novel stereotypes… outside of me clearly being the one who would be the perverted one who hits on everybody (just think of Sei from MariMite).
Although she’s not really around any more, I’ll go with blissmo as our female lead. She has a character quirk, a.k.a. murderous feelings toward bunnies, which works as a source of endearment for the audience. She also comes across as energetic, which would attract the attention of the females in the cast.
Hinano is the star of the school (since, obviously, all yuri light novels happen at schools) who everyone lusts after more or less. Since she’s the star of the school, obviously she takes special notice of blissmo. We know where this goes… which is kind of awkward to say, since she’s married to a guy. (I feel like I should say sorry here?)
Erica, of the yuri blog Okazu (who is of the aniblogosphere but not really part of it, given that her blog comes across much more as a blog that happens to deal with anime and not an anime blog, if that makes sense) would be the resident evil psycho lesbian (EPL), since those are her favorite types of yuri characters.
Miz is the lucky winner of the ‘best friend who gets screwed over award’. So, basically, she’s supportive of blissmo and is always there for her, pretty much is the perfect friend… and loses out in the end as blissmo dashes into the arms of Hinano.
And to return to my own role, I provide humor throughout by being a nasty pervert with a heart of gold(ish?). I also get a tragic backstory at some point involving another girl. Obviously.
If you’re wondering where the straight girl is in this, there is none because yuri light novels never feel the compulsion for one breeder than BL light novels occasionally do.
And, yeah, coming up with the ways male bloggers would fit in a typical BL light novel was way easier than fitting the female bloggers into a typical yuri novel plot.
As an aside, I did all this whilst watching the NFL draft. YES MULTI-TASKING!