I Wish Pokemon Were Real

jigglypuff-with-gun

Screw college – I’m gonna be a Pokemon trainer!

Occasionally, someone will ask the question “what anime would you want to be in if you could?” or, more specifically, “which anime’s world would you want to be in?” And, usually, I’d have trouble answering it, since, quite honestly, my favorite anime do not take place within worlds I would like to be a part of – let’s see, have Akio play mind games with me at his removed-from-reality school (Revolutionary Girl Utena), or get sent to hell by an angry adolescent (Jigoku Shoujo)? Wow, sign me up!

However, within the past six months, I’ve suddenly realized my ultimate desire – to live in the Pokemon world, have gotten booted from my house at the ripe old age of ten, and travel the world catching Pokemon and winning Pokemon battles (PETA be damned!)! This was something which occurred to me as I watched my friends duke it out on Smash Brothers on an old N64 (it was a bit disappointing when they upgraded to the Game Cube) and repeatedly exclaimed my own adoration of Jigglypuff, followed by my wistful statement of wishing Jigglypuff really existed, since its cuuuute and because it could help me fall asleep at night.

Sooo then my yearning for my Pokemon Blue began to grow, as I’d left it under my bed at home firmly wedged in my old Gameboy Color. But it evolved (LOLZ) into a more general wish that I had been born into the Pokemon world… which isn’t exactly a kosher desire for a twenty year old college student, and so was one which I basically have kept my mouth shut on, at least in the company of “normal” people.

I’ll admit it – wanting to be in the Pokemon world is a pretty silly wish. At the same time, though, I would make the argument that such a fantasy fills a role in my psyche which is a very basic one, which most of us possess – a yearning for a simpler existence, inasmuch as what is right and what is wrong is fairly clear-cut, and the outcome at the end of the day is destined to be a good one. A lot of people will probably deny that they actually feel this way, but down at the very roots of our needs is a need for definites; consider the fact that many people fear the dark. This is not a fear which can be dispelled by simple explanation of “nothing bad is out there”, as it springs from the fact that being in the dark is an inherently ambiguous situation – you can’t know that nothing is out there, since you can’t see very far. We as humans prefer knowing what we’re up against, be it in the actual dark of the night, or simply within our potentially labyrinthine daily existences.

But, anyway, I wasn’t really looking to examine human psychology – I just felt like declaring that it’d be pretty fucking awesome if Pokemon were legit and we could be Pokemon trainers (how the hell do gym leaders get to be gym leaders, anyway? I wanna get paid for kicking ten year olds’ asses and making them cry). That’d be wicked kick-ass. Yeah, there’d obviously be some downsides, like criminals using Pokemon to rob banks and shit like that, but if someone bothered you you could just be like “Fuck you, ph34r my Pokemon!!1” And being a wandering vagrant would pretty much be socially acceptable, so you could go all Kerouac on the world for your whole life (“Have any shrooms?” “Yeah, I’ve got a Paras that makes some real good shit.”) ( it’d be a lot cheaper to be a drug dealer if Pokemon existed).

So I’d be a Pokemon trainer, and then maybe try to bag one of those gym leader jobs at some point, since that’d be pretty cush – sit around, wait for kids to challenge me, kick their asses, have followers who jealousy defend me and want to have my babies… actually, being a gym leader is kind of like being a harem lead, except you don’t suck at life (unless you’re Brock, in which case you just get some mountain man as your only follower… and it sucks to be you), and it counts as an occupation. And, hey, if being a gym leader is too tough, and being a full-time trainer is too tough, then you could just catch a Meowth, get it to learn Pay Day, and just beat up on weak-ass Pokemon like Caterpie or Pidgey all day. But I’m pretty sure I’d want to be a gym leader so I could have a devoted harem (why does the show never explore this potential aspect? they could very easily make a spin-off harem show centered around one of the gym leaders!).

But, anyway, now that you know how much of a loser I am, I think that pretty much covers my little Pokemon fantasy. I’m gonna go start thinking about who I’d force into my gym harem now…

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22 Responses to I Wish Pokemon Were Real

  1. Os says:

    You kidding me, I still wish Pokemon were real today. Way back when, my dream would be that they somehow made mechanical pokemon so that they’d actually be real and catchable… now… well, my dream is to get a stable job.

    Screw anyone who doesn’t still think that pokemon is cool. Hold on to that dream because it might come trueeeee~

  2. IcyStorm says:

    I still want to be a Pokemon Master.

  3. Fuck I’ve wanted to live in Pokeworld since I was 7 years old. I think that when I turned 10 I was actually excited that I was finally old enough to be a trainer. In 10 years, of course I’ve never set aside that wish. I want a fucking Charmander!

    But even more than that, how fucking cool would it be to BE a Pokemon? More specifically, a Munchlax. Munchlax doesn’t take shit from anyone and just eats and sleeps all the fucking time. My hero.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      You know, I remember being excited about being fourteen because that’s how old Usagi was when she became Sailor Moon, and thinking this meant there was still a distant, slim chance I could get approached by a talking cat who wanted me to save the world.

      As for being a Pokemon… I dunno, it seems vaguely cool, but on the other hand it’d make getting my hands on BL manga a bit difficult.

  4. glothelegend says:

    Congratulations, you just described the ultimate reality.

    I wouldn’t even want to be a pokemon master. Fuck, I wouldn’t even try. My goal would be to be the nastiest wandering trainer. So that when people saw me, they’d say, “Whoa, stay away from that dude, he’ll bust your shit up.” And then some dumb kid would feel tough and try and face me, and I’d bust his shit up.

    I wouldn’t try and face gym leaders, I’d be too good for them. Let them come to me.

  5. Kiri says:

    Pretty much. Seriously, who ever stopped wanting to be a Pokemon trainer? This is why I’ve bought the same game like six times, right?

    (Oh, SoulSilver, I’M WAITING FOR YOUUU~~~~!! ♥♥♥)

  6. Oh yes. I need my daily dose of.. MUDKIPZ!!!11

  7. Pingback: Pokemon~After Story~ « GAR GAR Stegosaurus – because I always watch the contrails disappear

  8. omisyth says:

    I would be a Pokemon killer, taking down all those animals who posess a power far beyond that of man. THERE WILL BE A REVOLUTION, AND I WILL BE THERE TO STOP IT.

  9. notalist says:

    wait for next version.

  10. Brand0nn says:

    And i wantd 2 b strngst of all trainer…i would have legendary rayquaza…if dis world c0uld really b pkmn world…or if we turn all our wild animal in2 pkmn

  11. riolu says:

    I know what your saying I have come up with a device that can make pokemon real and all I need is funding and figure out how to convert there digital molicules into real molicules.

  12. riolu says:

    add to pre. I have always wanted to be a riolu and I came up with a story for what would happen when I first turn into a riolu.

  13. Vivian says:

    I seriously want to be in a Pokemon world. I battle all the gym leaders and become a Pokemon Champion ^_^

  14. Pingback: I Wish I Were a Magical Girl « GAR GAR Stegosaurus – because I always watch the contrails disappear

  15. arcanine says:

    it woudld be so awesome to live in a pokemon world!! me and my arcanine would kick buttt! i wouldnt even need to have a car or anything when could just ride on my arcanine’s back and stuff! but then again if pokemon where real then think about how many wars would start…
    it would be more bloody and more violent with pokemon around. and with constant people trying to take over the world and stuff.
    but still! everyone’s lives would be much better and poeple would acually think there was more to life.. it would be living with and bonding and training your pokemon!

    I truly wish pokemon where real!!
    arcanine<3

  16. pokemon fan says:

    I’ve been a huge fan of pokemon since I firstwas told about it. Of course, i have played all of the games and one of my favorite pokemon is darkrai. He’s also one of the difficult pokemon to find. So Ive set upa websiteto help people how to getdarkrai in the pokemon games.

  17. 7 time master says:

    i think PETA would intervene at some point, but then i would use hydro cannon, and life would be good.

  18. james says:

    wouldnt it be so cool to find a deoxys, capture it and show it off to your mates ;p

  19. Rye says:

    Yeah, he has some good points. But i would want pincir and heracross, nothing else.

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