Warning: This post is weird.
I was originally going to say “This post is fucking weird.” but then decided on some modicum of decency by hiding away all my profanity inside the actual post itself; this, in theory, to “protect the children”. However, I’ll admit that this really makes very little actual sense, since having my post strewn with rude language but not the intro line is hardly an actual deterrent to not harming the wee ones ears. So I guess I’m just actually only making myself feel better in doing so, especially when one considers the very low likelihood that a kid would happen upon my blog (the only possible way I can think of is if a kid typed in ‘stegosaurus’, and even with that I don’t show up until very, very, very far down on the search page) (fun fact relating to the term ‘stegosaurus’ – I once got hate mail from someone for supporting that ungodly, devil-inspired fairy tale known as evolution because my blog title has ‘stegosaurus’ in it).
Anyway, I digress. I would like to take a short further aside before beginning to emphasize the fact that this post is entirely serious. It’s probably going to seem like severe sarcasm, but it is not meant to be read as such – I really do mean all of it.
I have come to feel that I love the aniblogosphere for one of the same reasons I love the communicative part of the internet at large – the fact that, at the end of the day, the vast, vast majority of people don’t give a shit about what is going on in one’s life. No, they just want to get into arguments with you over inane things like whether Naruto actually sucks or if there will ever be a Mai-HiME sequel or who in the aniblogosphere is the biggest bitch/ass-hole/what-have-you. Or they just want to flame you because you got sick of the fillers in Shugo Chara or you said that K-ON! leaves a lot to be desired. And you know what? I ultimately like that.
Let’s be honest – the internet is mainly a diversion from reality. Blogging in a way is even more so, because it gives a sense that one has a larger purpose than one actually does in reality – look, all these people are reading my blog! They’re listening to me! It must mean I’m smart! Blogs are simply the latest in the inauspicious history of the vanity press, with the exception that this vanity press only costs as much as you are willing to shill out for internet. But the important point is that the entire thing is diversionary.
The fact that the internet operates as a way for us to ignore reality, even if only for a little while, is why I ultimately like the fact that people are unbelievably nasty or simply flat-out mean in the aniblogosphere (truly, in the internet as a whole, but I’m addressing our [assuming we can really claim that the aniblogosphere is one big community] sub-community). Because it means that when my life is crappy, and all I hear all day are the usual platitudes from people in real life, its a relief to dive into the aniblogosphere and find myself told off and attacked. I’m thrilled that no one is trying to give me the same old, same old because things haven’t been so hot. I almost have the urge to shout “BITCH LOUDER, PLEASE!”
I don’t know if this sounds weird or not – after all, I’m basically saying I’m tired of people being nice in real life when shit happens. But having folks in real life treat oneself with kid gloves because life’s been a little rough lately gets old very fast, and its nice to be able to step away from that and take a break from having people behave in a delicate manner toward one and expect one to behave in a very particular manner.
Let me explain it with an example: recently, my grandfather passed away after a period of very bad illness. It really sucked; he was in pain, and there wasn’t anything we could really do except give him morphine almost constantly. My family rotated on who stayed with him every night to give him his medicine and make sure he was still breathing. But on of the worst parts was that I couldn’t get away from it. Everywhere I went, people told me how horrible the whole thing was, how sorry they were, how sad it was, etc., etc. I never got the chance to really rest and recharge for the next evening I was there (every other night) unless I stayed in my room and read or watched anime or wrote blog posts. I couldn’t prepare myself for the next time unless I disengaged from the population that knew me in real life, and therefore knew what was going on in my life.
So it was great that I could throw the computer on and get distracted by ass-holes, or people just feeling nasty for whatever reason at that point in time. It was something stupid to get irritated about, in that sort of irritated manner which is strangely fulfilling. And when the little aniblogosphere dramas pop up? On the one hand, I roll my eyes, but on the other, I enjoy their ability to distract me from real life drama, whatever it may be, especially since, ultimately, internet drama has about as much significance as a grain of dust on the moon.
I’m not sure this makes much sense, honestly; I’m willing to admit that there may not be a whole lot of people who feel similarly about the issue. I also probably sound unkind and ungrateful for complaining about people attempting to console me at a difficult time. It isn’t that I don’t appreciate their efforts; it just gets really hard to deal with after a while, particularly when you feel like you’re just wording the same response as you’ve already given to a dozen other people since you can’t think of anything else to say to them.
So, I love the aniblogosphere in part for one of its worst points. KEEP IT UP, FOLKS!