Sleeping is AWESOME

ayu-nayuki-kanon-sleeping

Who the hell doesn’t love sleep?

OH, THAT’S RIGHT – THIS GUY.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t like sleeping. Sleeping is probably my favorite thing in the world – you climb into your nice, cozy bed, pull up the covers, get all comfy, hug your blankie/plushie/body pillow, and close your eyes, letting the warm glory of the sleep cycle encase you. And then, even better, you get to dream! And you wake up, and you’ve just had the most badass dreams, dreams in which you did seriously fucking awesome things you’ll never do in real life because you aren’t an anime character.

But, seriously, who doesn’t like sleep?

I’ll tell you who – the Antichrist. [1]

Whoa, shit, did I just allege that one of my fellow bloggers in the Antichrist?

Fuck no, obviously the Antichrist will be coming from Europe, probably from an area that was part of the Roman Empire of old. This is also why Obama is clearly no the Antichrist, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is an absolute moron.[2] But, hey, even is Glo isn’t the Antichrist, he clearly has something in common with him, and thus cannot be trusted.

Sleeping makes you feel better. Its also just a great way to spend time – nothing can go wrong while you’re sleeping, its a proven fact. Think about it – if bad shit happens while you’re sleeping, you don’t know its happened… and if you don’t know its happened, then, technically, for you it hasn;t happened yet. So just keep on snoozing, since you’re escaping any problems that way.

Glo has some other things he think you could be doing instead of sleep. I’ll hit up a few of them to debunk; since I actually SLEEP unlike the Antichrist Glo, I’m not going to go over all of them. Instead, I’m going to return to my homework so I can go to sleep at a decent hour, especially since I get to sleep in to-morrow (YAY GET TO SLEEP UNTIL 8 A.M.).

“1. Sex”

Um, no, we’re anime fans – we don’t do that. Duh.

“9. Watch the sun rise.”

I do that three times a week and I still get to sleep.

“15. Have Some More Sex”

See #1

“19. Drink a pot of coffee.”

Fuck coffee. The only people who drink coffee are wimps who are addicted to caffeine. All you need to do to stay awake is man the fuck up. Or, gee, I dunno – get some fucking sleep.

“22. Raid your refrigerator.”

What the fuck? If you don’t need to sleep/don’t like sleeping, you’re the Antichrist, so you don’t need to eat, you dumb shit. [3]

“30. Play ‘Whose Inside Me’ by yourself.”

Well, you’re an anime fan, so obviously you’re not playing it with anyone else.

“32. Travel to Europe.”

You can sleep on the plane, you moron.

“40. Re-arrange your room.”

I cannot even fathom why you would do this instead of sleeping. In four years of college, I haven’t once re-arranged the res hall furniture. Since I moved from my childhood home to my adolescent(ish) home, my furniture was arranged once, and that was by my parents a week after we moved in (I was eight years old). The idea of dragging your furniture around your room for shits and giggles is purely demented.

“41. Challenge yourself to drink a gallon of milk.”

So instead of sleeping you can be puking?

“48. You could husk corn.”

Why?

It goes downhill from there (not that there’s much uphill to start with), as Glo clearly completely degenerates into a drooling mess from lack of sleep, as clearly evidenced by his listening to Nine Inch Nails (although apparently one of their songs makes drunk girls start kissing, but only if someone who looks like an Iranian raver is singing it for karaoke [4]).

Anyway, you go to sleep, are unconscious and have sweet hallucinations for however many hours, and then you wake up feeling fresh. You won’t feel like crap during classes or work, and you won’t accidentally run over a four year old because you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel. Aaaand at lunch you can share your sweet/wicked pissah/awesome dreams with your friends/coworkers/mom/sock puppet! Telling hot acquaintances that you dreamt of sexing them is the sure way to their heart, so you’ll get help from your sleep in that regard, too.

But, hell, if that isn’t enough to convince you (shouldn’t not wanting to be the Antichrist be enough?), then here’s a final wicked pissah reason for sleeping: so you be as amazingly fucking awesome as I am.

a-day-without-me

Yeah, that’s me – how could you not want to be that freaking awesome? [5] Too bad you can’t see my muscles – that’s really the only problem with this photo.

Also: only pedophiles don’t like sleep. That way, they can spy on sleeping children. Creepy fuckers.

*      *      *

[1] The link I have there doesn’t actually help too much, I have to say – suffice to say, in some Christian Protestant belief sets, the Antichrist, after being indwelt by the devil, doesn’t need to eat or sleep.

[2] Since you all probably think I’m insane at this point, let me take a second to explain why I’m belching out batshit theories – my thesis work is on premillenial dispensationalism, a manner of interpreting Biblical prophecy which is pretty hard to sum up briefly. Essentially, one day all the good Christians will get sucked up (Raptured) into heaven, and everyone else will be stuck on Earth to get tortured by the Antichrist for seven years in a period known as the Tribulation. During these seven years, God will rain down twenty-one judgements upon us and most of us will die. Then Jesus will come back and defeat the Antichrist, cast him/her/it and all of their followers into the Lake of Fire, and then set up a kingdom on earth. And I’ll tell you right now that this stuff is just flat-out bad theology, as the contortions required to interpret the prohpetic passages of the Bible in such a manner are ridiculously convoluted. Nevertheless, I do find it fairly fascinating, soooo… its my thesis work.

[3] See 1.

[4] Don’t take my word for it; here be secondhand advice from my friend Santo.

[5] So freaking awesome, in fact, that I had my little brother take this photo for the express purpose of putting it on my blog. Seriously. It was actually originally just going to be part of a post in which I pointlessly related anecdotes from my vacation (including a politically incorrect jab at Baka-Raptor) (and a dig at the American South) with related photos. It was going to be really funny, and totally off-topic. I might still do it, we’ll see, but I feel that I should probably have a legit post before doing something stupid like that.

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18 Responses to Sleeping is AWESOME

  1. glothelegend says:

    Wow, you brought that shit. Now let me say these few words:

    1. The List:

    Pretty much complete nonsense/bullshit, but I think that that was fairly obvious. I mean, personally, I never drink coffee, because caffine and me…well let’s just say they don’t mix…at all.

    How early do you wake up? My God, when I sleep (I do actually sleep more often then not) I sleep till fuckin noon at least (I’m a lazy shithead) unless I have a class or something.

    Regarding “have sex”….point to you, even the worst of anime enthusiasts know that “anime and sex don’t mix”.

    Eating is awesome. Fuck, given a choice, I would choose eating over sleeping any-day. No, I’m not fat at all, I’m 6 feet..okay 5-11 and 7/8ths tall, and weigh 170, which isn’t a lot.

    Lack of sleep did effect the end of the list. I won’t deny that.

    I once told a hot girl that I dreamt of sexing them, and she killed me. I went to Hell, but was reincarnated as the Antichrist. What luck for me.

    2. Sleeping and Non-Sleeping

    As you can tell by my post, I actually think that “my dreams are typically better than my actual life”, which insinuates that I do (or did) like sleeping (at one point). During summer, I had to wake up early for strenuous landscaping labor at 5, and I was actually able to get to bed around 11, which was awesome. But alas, those days have past.

    In fact, ages ago (about a month) I would have agreed with you about this whole post, but for the past month, for some reason, sleep has decided to de-friend me from his Facebook page, and taken me out of his fave-five. I’m not even on sleep’s God damn blog roll anymore. I used to be good pals with sleep, I used to meet with Sleep in class, and all sorts of places in secret, but I guess he got sick and tired (get it? tired?), of me, and decided to bounce, so basically, this whole post was a rip on sleep who has abandoned me. Now, the only time I can sleep is when I take Nyquil, which is probably not good for you when you aren’t even sick (for the record, Nyquil gives you the best dreams ever). So now, I toss. I am restless. I must have too much energy or something. I run 5 miles a day, so I don’t know how that can be it. Sleep just doesn’t like me.

    Basically, I’m just mad at Sleep. Fuck Sleep, I don’t need Sleep in my life, I’m fine by myself. I’ll end this shitty comment with a simple statement:

    Why sleep when you can watch anime?

    EDIT: Duuddddeeee, one time I had a dream that I was fighting some dude Jakie Chan style with swords, and he cut me on the shin, and I woke up, and i felt like my shin was sliced open. The pain was with me all day, and there was nothing anywhere near my bed that I could have hit it on. That shit is crazy.

    DOUBLE EDIT: I wish I could look at the entire comment, so I could review it better. Fucking little box.

    • I have to be at class in twenty minutes… but, worry not, I shall respond…

    • adaywithoutme says:

      If you’re having trouble sleeping, taking cough syrup actually isn’t bad at all for you – my brother was a hyper little kid, so the doctor told us to give him Benadryl before bed every night, and we did so for about seven years or so, and he turned out fine.

      Also, the fact that you allege being reincarnated is clearly proof that you AREN’T the Antichrist – everyone knows reincarnation is a sham!

      I wake up three times a week at six o’clock or earlier; last week I woke up four times at five o’clock so I could do fun stuff like running five miles with a thirty-pound ruck. And for the next five days I’ll be waking up at six o’clock or earlier (four of which are 5 a.m.!).

  2. Mito says:

    Awesome post! O.o hey, hey! Both of you so great! I mean it!! XP i just can’t protest like that.. But sleep or not sleep, it’s everyone choosen. So why don’t we let them choose their own answer?? -.- hoe..

  3. I saw this post title, and I was going to come in guns blazing about how sleep sucks ass, but I was too tired, so I went to bed.

    But now I’m back! You can’t poison our minds with this shit! As if anyone really lays down and falls asleep just like that! I have to be laying down for at least an hour in order to get to sleep. That’s just painful!

    I also have NO good dreams. I only dream if I wake up briefly and fall back to sleep, and then it’s always some kind of insanely fucked-up dream where I’m alone in a strange place and people I know show up to do trippy things or anally rape me. My dreams or horrid.

    Sleep is time I could spend watching animu. Therefore it is evil.

    • Oh, snap! You were too tired, so you went to bed… so you were able to make an argument against sleeping! I think the fact that you had to sleep in order to argue invalidates your argument!

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Also, if Glo is to be trusted at all (admittedly: fairly doubtful), then you should take Nyquil so you have sweet dreams.

  4. omisyth says:

    YOU DON’T SLEEP, YOU’RE PEDOPHILE. QUITE FUCKING TRUE.

  5. Baka-Raptor says:

    My opinion on sleep is well-documented. Sleep kicks ass, and I am incredible at it. In the words of Ralph Wiggum, “Oh boy, SLEEP! That’s where I’m a viking!“.

  6. Baka-Raptor says:

    My opinion on sleep is well-documented. Sleep kicks ass, and I am incredible at it.

    In the words of Ralph Wiggum, “Oh boy, SLEEP! That’s where I’m a viking!“.

    I see my comments are being spam-filtered, so I’ll keep writing.

    Your fifth footnote intrigues me. I doubt I’ll be offended by your off-color remarks, but I’ll probably retaliate anyway. In other words, write the post.

  7. Baka-Raptor says:

    Sleep sucks (until you uncensor my comment)

    • Sleep is awesome. And I don’t know what comment of yours is censored…

      • Baka-Raptor says:

        Luckily, I still the comment copied:

        My opinion on sleep is well-documented (this is where I’d link to my first Aria post from two years ago). Sleep kicks ass, and I am incredible at it. In the words of Ralph Wiggum, “Oh boy, SLEEP! That’s where I’m a viking!” (this is where I’d link to a clip of Ralph saying that).

        Your fifth footnote intrigues me. I doubt I’ll be offended by your off-color remarks, but I’ll probably retaliate anyway. In other words, write the post.

      • adaywithoutme says:

        That’s weird – I actually looked in the spam filter, and it had, indeed, blocked several of your comments – I think it was probably the link you tried to leave.

        I doubt you’d be offended by anything off-color – just a glance at your blog tells me that. Unless I alleged that you were madly in love with the wrong Manning or something.

  8. glothelegend says:

    I would like to submit the fact that I dislike sleep, and am also not a pedophile, thus debunking your assumption. Let it be known.

  9. Pingback: Day’s Excellent Adventure « GAR GAR Stegosaurus – because I always watch the contrails disappear

  10. Polprav says:

    Hello from Russia!
    Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?

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