Day’s Excellent Adventure

day-in-the-flesh

Because Baka-Raptor is intrigued by footnotes.

Actually, that’s a fairly tenuous reason for legitimizing the existence of this post. Buuuut I just got in from the field (ok, so I showered first – first time in four days!), so anything remotely sensical is a bit out of the question at the moment. I’ll have to apologize for being a loser on the whole anime blogging front as of late – school and ROTC has been running me a bit ragged.

Anyway, Baka-Raptor’s going to be disappointed, because the joke-to-come is fairly tame. But I snorted while rolling down the window for it anyway.

No, that didn’t make sense now, but I PROMISE it will make sense soon.

So, back in August I went on vacation/road-tripped back to school. My vacation started fairly illustriously – I jumped off the dock on a pond, and my toenail fell off. Made me feel pretty positive about things. But, seriously, what the fuck? I didn’t hit the bottom, a rogue fish/toddler didn’t attack me… nothing. It just was gone when I came back up for air. Go figure.

So, chilling around on vacation, and ended up wandering around an abandoned military base.

abandoned-air-base-truro

It was pretty baller – I’m kind of shocked they just left the whole neighborhood to rot, though, because its sitting on pretty prime real estate. I wandered over to the shoreline, although really I mean I wandered over to the big fucking cliff that dropped fifty feet to the ocean. And because I wasn’t yet dipping into the South, I ran into one of these signs:

no hunting, bitches

However, even though I wasn’t in the South yet, there are actually rednecks in New England. And some of them do actually live down the road from where my family vacations.

new-england-rednecks

Unfortunately, I had to take it while in a car that was moving, because I didn’t want to get shot in the face. However, rednecks in New England can be pretty fucking weird compared to ones in the South – yeah, they’re in the backwoods, have a boat bigger than their falling down house, have rotting bicycles and lawn chairs, and probably kill opposums with nails guns, but they also have an SUV that’s covered in Obama ’08 stickers and peace signs. Its hillbilly meets hippie. Their family tree is a tumbleweed, but they think Ralph Nader’s the shit. Some people would call this bohemian… no fucking way, bitches – bohemians don’t sit on their rotting lawn chairs smoking cigars at night with their shotguns as company.

hydrangeas-are-for-lesbians-in-animeAnyway, next I went and climbed the tallest granite tower in the world, but instead of putting pictures of that here – am I the only person in the world who looks at hydrangeas and thinks of yuri? Seriously, hydrangeas farted around at the beginning of Blue Drop, and they also were chilling out in that awful umbrella episode of Strawberry Panic. I’m pretty sure they also were shown at some point in MariMite (come on, there have been thirty-nine TV-length episodes of that and five hour-long OVA’s – I’m sure they showed up at least once, and I’m pretty sure they did near the end of the MariMite~Haru~). So I obviously had to take a picture. It did help that I was in one of the gayest places in the world. But I look at hydrangeas, and I immediately envision Catholic schoolgirls pining away for one another, usually on a rainy day.

Next I went into the parking lot and was convinced the Zodiac Killer decided to design a car:

zodiac's-back!

I was pretty sure I was going to get shot in the parking lot when I saw that. [1]

My next point of interest was me using the creepiest fucking bathroom ever.

creepiest-fucking-bathroom-ever

This was at one of the beaches I visited that night. You could literally hear all the bugs crawling on the floor. Yum. Meanwhile, down on the beach some random ass people were having some satanic rituals or some shit of that sort. So, I could choose between peeing with all the bugs or jumping in the sea to pee and hoping that the crazy-ass bitches didn’t catch me and throw me on their sacrificial fire. I think both might’ve fit in in something like I Know What You Did Last Summer.

Anyway, because I was going back South for school, I had to take a picture of the highway’s sign:

grand-army-of-the-republic-highway

YOU LOST. HA.

So, I went down South next, and got stranded in Bumfuck, Virginia for two days. While there, I ran into some of Baka-Raptor’s relatives.

baka-raptor's-relatives

Yeah, that’s kind of it – maybe it isn’t that funny, but it was hilarious when I was sleep-deprived and stranded in redneck land (oh wait, I go to college in redneck land, too…). Also, I was literally in the middle of fucking nowhere. And yet I stumbled on an India festival. And apparently, when you import Indians [2] into Bumfuck, Virginia, they keep their curry, but they start wearing Confederate flag t-shirts. What the fuck? [3] I asked them if they knew any raptors, but apparently they didn’t, so maybe they weren’t related to Baka-Raptor after all… which would, admittedly, violate the rule of minorities [4], but its been known to happen.

horseshoe-crab-aka-my-friend

But it was ok, because I had my buddy, the horseshoe crab I found on vacation. This was a very good thing, because my laptop crashed during my roadtrip, so I couldn’t read any of my nasty doujins watch any anime. And then when I brought my laptop to the technology department at my school, they screwed it up even more, and wiped my hardrive… and all my precious anime and manga and nasty doujins. On the upside, I haven’t been arrested, so I’m guessing they didn’t look at anything that was there.

day-road

And then I saw a street named after me. AND found fifty bucks.

Sorry the pictures are fucked up, by the way – WordPress keeps cutting them off, and I don’t feel like photobucketing them (but you can be all motivated and just copy&paste the URL for the cut-off photos into the browser to see the full versions!). And, yes, that is a picture of me – and that innertube has gotten so many compliments in my adventures drifting down random-ass muddy rivers in the backwoods. I guess I must be a redneck now, though, since I used it to cross a state line at one point.

*      *       *

[1] IF you don’t know what I’m talking about… go wiki it, and then go watch the movie Zodiac. And then chastise yourself for being an epic loser prior to doing so.

[2] One of my friends differentiates between Native Americans and Indians by referring to Native Americans as ‘Fucking Indians’ and the ones from South Asia as ‘Indians’ – she’s one of the ‘Indians’.

[3] In real life, I swear at a pretty disturbing rate.

[4] Y’know – the rule that says all minorities are connected to their fellow minority group members through a nationwide-network of minority-dom.

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5 Responses to Day’s Excellent Adventure

  1. Snark says:

    “Its hillbilly meets hippie.”

    It’s like Voltron; they combine to form a stronger, mightier…thing.

  2. Baka-Raptor says:

    That’s it?

    My drive back down south was boring. Mainly because I was trying to beat the rain, I didn’t bother to take any sightseeing stops, no matter how tempting the signs on the highway were. I don’t know how I passed on birthplace of James Buchanan.

    When I think of hydrangeas, I think of murder. If you see a spot where the colors are different, there’s probably a body buried there.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Yeah, that was it – it was a lot funnier at the time for me.

      Yeah, the hydrangeas look different based on soil acidity. I think that hydrangea-print wallpaper that was mysteriously changing colors was featured in an Agatha Christie short story, too.

  3. Sainte Audrey says:

    Sounds like you had quite the boring trip.

    And whoa,

    “However, even though I wasn’t in the South yet, there are actually rednecks in New England.”

    That’s actually new flash to me, though, I’m pretty sure they’re nothing compared to the Deep Southerners.

  4. glothelegend says:

    “hillbilly meets hippie”:

    Worst combination of two things combining in the history of two things combining.

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