The Genderbent Guy’s Guide to the Bathroom

sunoko-genderbent-sunohara

For all those guys who expect to wake up in Kampfer to-morrow.

Gentleman, I know there is a danger that could potentially confront you all – that you will wake up one morning and find yourself inexplicably rendered female. I understand that this is a legitimate fear for you all. So, to help you, I’ve decided to aid you in the zone of utmost terror… the women’s bathroom.

First off all, let’s take a look at a picture of your average women’s bathroom:

canadian-women's-bathroom

You’ll notice a preponderance of stalls and nary a urinal in sight. Not pictured are the sinks, but they’re not terribly important to note in this conversation – I’ll only make a passing mention that women wash their hands after using their bathroom at a higher rate than do men (something like 88% of women versus 70% of men).

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking – how exactly does a woman use the toilet in those stalls? And what do they do with their various garments when they do?

Alright, let’s procceed to the stalls then.

They have stalls in men’s bathrooms, so I’ll assume you have a basic idea of how it works – if the door is swung in, the stall is empty, so you can open the door. Once inside, lock that door! Then comes the tricky part! How do the ladies pee?

Alright, if you have a skirt, you have two options – you can either hike it up, or you can drop it. This is largely a personal preference, although I’d advise you to hike it up if its long so it isn’t all over that nasty floor. In general, actually, hiking it up works better than letting it drop freely, since skirts are harder to keep from hitting the floor than are pants.

And what if you’re wearing pants or shorts? With these, just do what you do when it’s #2! (Yes, I did say #2 because it rhymed!) Drop them!

And what if you’re Lady Gaga or a swimmer/dancer/gymnast/other athlete who wears a leotard? You can either do the pull aside method, wherein you simply yank the crotch area of your leotard/swim suit, ensure that it is fully clear of your potential piss stream, and then sit yourself down on that seat; this is the preferred method for swim suits, since its hard to peel wet swim suits off, and its really cold and unpleasant when you pull them back on (bikinis are less of an issue – just treat it like they’re pants: drop them). The second option, which is safer from a not wanting to get pee on your garments perspective, is to roll the whole thing down.

Anyway, next – so your garments are down… what comes next?

Ok – you know what you do when you poop? You know how you have to sit down? That’s what you do now!

Now that you’re done peeing, though, you’ve got another quandary – ladies don’t just finish and shake. See that toilet paper? Yeah, you’re gonna use that to dry yourself off. Usually a wipe or two will suffice.

Pull up all your garments (which you do as a guy anyway!), and flush the toilet. Next up – the sinks. Here again, its pretty straightforward, as you just need to turn those taps on and grab some soap (I recommend turningthe taps off with a sleeve to avoid germs!).

Proceed to the hand dryer, and then through the door – congratulations, you just successfully used the bathroom as a girl! Next up, tampons!

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11 Responses to The Genderbent Guy’s Guide to the Bathroom

  1. Gunstray says:

    O_o you should write a Genderbents guide to life

  2. RP says:

    Oh, the complexities of uh… womanhood?

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Well, in this case, genderbent womanhood… using a women’s bathroom when its the one you’ve used your whole life really isn’t that hard.

  3. Baka-Raptor says:

    You make it sound like women are capable of going to the bathroom on their own, contrary to common experience telling us that women can only take care of business if they travel to the bathroom in packs.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Only in social settings, and only because we’re just doing that so we can make fun of you behind your back. I’m more likely to be taking a leak in the woods, though, but that’s just me.

  4. d says:

    Cool…I inspired a guide…xD

    A personal question, have you went inside a men’s room?

    You forgot about the asian “toilets”.

    Btw, apparently in Japan, urinals have a toilet paper dispenser beside it. Apparently, you are suppose to wipe it, or shake and wipe…idk…

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Yeah, I’ve been in men’s rooms – one time it was because there was no toilet paper in the women’s room, so I was like, “Fuck this, I’m getting toilet paper.” So I stole some. The other times have usually been because its just closer. But I’ve also used unisex bathrooms.

      Yeah, Asian toilets… I’m not Asian, so I guess a legit Asian would have to tackle that aspect.

  5. glothelegend says:

    One time in high school I went to the bathroom, and wasn’t really familiar with the school yet, nor did I pay attention to where I was going, and I stumbled into a bathroom that had no urinals. I stopped dead in my tracks at the doorway.

    Needless to say I was confused as I had never seen a bathroom like this. Were urinals all recalled due to some fatal flaw? Did I accidentally tear a hole in time and space and fall into a different dimension again?

    I turned to leave, and right as I did so, what was probably the hottest girl I have ever seen walked right into me, looked at me, looked at the sign that I now realized read “Women” and looked back at me as if to say, “What the fuck are you doing?”

    I told her some girl was getting me off in a stall (I thought that was funny, she did not) and went back to class. I never saw her again, as I’m sure she was a senior, and I was a freshman.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      One time I accidentally walked into the boy’s locker room at a swim meet at another high school (I was a wee freshman at the time). There was a guy standing there in a towel, and it was kind of mortifying. He was just like, “I think you have the wrong bathroom…”

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