The Genderbent Guy’s Guide to Bra Shopping

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Because I know some of you are facing this potential problem.

Now, perhaps you saw the latest episode of Kampfer and thought, “Good lord, Day told us how to use the bathroom as a female, but she never explained the whole bra thing! What am I gonna do?!?!” But, worry not, for I hath returned once more to aid my dear readers who woke up and found themselves to be suddenly female.

First of all, you have to go to a bra store.

bra-store

Ok, ok – I know, that’s really fucking scary! But don’t worry, I’m gonna try to break it down and make it easier for you.

First, since you’re pretty new at this, a small tip – avoid places like Victoria’s Secret or Lady Scarlet’s. Both of these places are purely about lingerie; it’ll just freak you out. So where should you go? Easy – a department store. Here, you can ease your way into the bra section – you needn’t be assaulted by it and waves of perfume like you would at a standalone store! Department stores also are less lurid in general. Embarrassed about looking at bras? Don’t worry, at department store bra sections they have bras with cups so big you could use them as a hat! Laughs ease any situation!

But, let’s be honest – going into the store isn’t the hardest part. The hardest part is finding a bra that’ll fit you right.

Ok, breathe easy. In anime, this is always when someone brings along a female friend. WRONG, DON’T DO THAT. The writers of shows like Kampfer don’t seem to understand how most women bra shop. Most women don’t bra shop together! I know this may come as a shock, but its true. So leave the ladyfriend at home, ok?

So how do you get the right size?

You have two options here: google bra measuring on the intertubery, or you can rely on the wonderful sales ladies at the bra department. In your case, this is pretty new, so go for the workers at the bra department. Don’t worry, they’re experts at this! They’ve been doing it for ages! And if you’re worried about them seeing your cleavage or boobs, don’t be; these ladies have seen so much boobage, its basically about as interesting as watching paint dry for them.

So, now you’re in one of the changing stalls, and they’re about to measure you. Take a deep breath; it involves a tape measure, but it only has two parts to determine the size. It may be a little awkward, but an experienced saleslady can get it done pretty fast. After getting your measurement, she can also recommend a few different styles that will work with your overall body type. Take her advice; you’re a guy, you have no fucking idea of what actually works (and if you think you do because your girlfriend thanked you for buying her lingerie… she was just being nice).

Now you’re trying them on; the saleslady will wait outside of your changing stall if you ask. If you’re not sure of how one fits, you can ask her, and she can tell you right away. However, here are some things to look for – are you bulging over the edge? does your bust jiggle when you take a few steps? is the band cutting into your skin? If any of these are true, you need a different bra. Just remember – if you’re jiggling, those straps are adjustable! The same applies to any bulging. Adjust as necessary, but if you can’t find a happy medium wherein you’re not bulging or jiggling, the bra is just wrong for you.

Once you’ve got a bra you like, grab two more of it – you can’t wear the same bra every single day! Now go pay for them (warning: bras aren’t cheap!). Congratulation; you now are the proud owner of some bras.

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23 Responses to The Genderbent Guy’s Guide to Bra Shopping

  1. Baka-Raptor says:

    But, let’s be honest – going into the store isn’t the hardest part. The hardest part is finding a bra that’ll fit you right.

    Incorrect. The hardest part is facing the cashier when you’re ready to buy. Why is this not covered by your tutorial?

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Because any idiot should be able to handle a cash transaction. And if they can’t, then they probably aren’t reading this anyway.

  2. Baka-Raptor says:

    Is there no awkwardness or embarrassment at the counter when you’re buying a bra? Does the cashier not look at your bra and judge you?

    • gunstray says:

      Who are they to judge.

    • TheBigN says:

      This was the sort of thing I was also thinking about when Baka-Raptor brought that point up. The more “psychological” barriers to buying one.

      • adaywithoutme says:

        Just as they are completely used to impassively looking at boobies in bras, so too are salesladies in these stores totally bored with the idea of even caring at all how large or small your bra of choice is. My grandmother worked in a bra department of a department store for six years, she could tell you that cashiers don’t notice at all what your size is.

  3. RP says:

    Do bras not get changed every day like underwear? Umm, my friend wants to know.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      I think it varies. I usually rotate on mine and wash them after three or four wears depending upon on how much physical activity I participated in/how hot and humid its been. Sports bras usually go in the wash after two wears max, though, although during training I’ve admittedly worn the same one for… five days straight.

  4. d says:

    So I guess the tampon guide is coming up/next?

    My middle school health teacher (a guy) said that a tampon fits in all holes just like a condom fits on all penises. XD

  5. Caddy C says:

    Now go pay for them (warning: bras aren’t cheap!)

    Seriously, why are bras so expensive?! 😀

    Fun guide!

  6. Shin says:

    Bookmarked for future reference, although in all likelihood, I’d still buy one despite never going to transform into a woman.

  7. usagijen says:

    Well if they’re going to aim for QUALITY, then yes bras are expensive. A good fitting bra of quality is an investment, proven fact.

  8. Pingback: Kampfer 04 « hontou ni

  9. glothelegend says:

    Shopping for bras? Damn, it’s hard enough taking them off [of a girl].

    Actually, let me debunk my previous comment, and state that, although many people make a big deal about taking a bra off of a woman, but the first time I did it I got it off in less than a second, and thought, “This shit is easy, why was everyone saying it was hard?”

    Well, if I ever change into a girl, I’ll be sure to follow these rules. I’ll also do a few other things.

  10. Crusader says:

    I think Akane broke every rule in you post because she had secondary objective…

    At any rate how many of these bras does the average lady require before I can balk at how much money is being spent? Also what are the dangers and long term effects of going without one?

    Bookmarked for future reference in the even Zeus blesses me with a daughter. Good to know there is a person at the store I can pawn off the responsibility of getting the first bra without a fee. Even better to know that I can loiter in the games section while someone else handles this speshul moment.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Well, a good bra can fall anywhere within the $20 to $60 range. They’re very expensive! However, you can usually go to a place like Marshall’s or TJ Maxx that has overstock from other stores and get some better brands for significantly cheaper (for comparison, the ones I get retail for about $25 each, but in TJ Maxx I can get them for $10). On the other hand, these are overstock, so what they have is pretty variable; it usually requires a lot of digging around and knowing what you need before you even get in the store, so it doesn’t really work for a first-time buyer.

      The long-term effects of going without a bra vary in severity based on how much of a chest the person in question has. The most obvious consequence is that breasts sag pretty early. Of more concern, though, are the back problems that can come without having the support of a bra, especially if one has a fairly large chest.

      The sales ladies in bra stores are small miracles. Definitely better than trying to figure it out yourself when you know nothing about it.

  11. Kat says:

    I recently went bra shopping at Macys. Saleswoman asked me if I needed help. She helped me, made suggestions on styles, and picked out a bunch for me to try on. We talked about fit, and then she gave me a different bunch to try on. I found one that fit perfectly – bought 3 (she suggested one black and 2 beige for the color choices).

    That’s it. No extraneous comments, smirks, giggles. She was straightforward and helpful. I paid, thanked her for her help, and left. No wounds, no scars. It is easy. Welcome to the 21st century.

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