If K-ON! Were Real…

And if you were single…

Ha. Just kidding on that line of reasoning; cut it off merely at ‘If K-ON! Were Real…’. I might be slowly degenerating further and further over the course of my time in anime fandom, but I’m not willing to fully commit to entertaining notions of ‘if this, then that’.

I recently checked out some of K-ON! having watched the first episode of it when it originally aired, but having not been convinced enough by the cute girls to keep watching. I was bored, but I was also prompted by a recent review I had read of the manga, along with a recent Anime News Nina cartoon.

…ok, honestly, its more like I was bored. And maybe-maybe someone sent a hentai doujin my way for some unfathomable reason.

Anyway, if anything, my reaction was more one of profound amusement than anything, but not because of the show in and of itself, exactly. Oh, no, more like the fact that the show’s depiction of female high school friendships cracked me the fuck up, having been there and not had even remotely such an experience.

Now, this isn’t to discount the entire thing carte-blanche – there is definitely a degree of sincerity to the whole thing, although I can tell you that no one plays dress up that much at that age. The friendships are well-rendered, as are the emotions in general. But the overall behavior…

Well, let’s just say that, in general, I find it beyond hysterical to watch these shows in which high school girls are these sweet little creatures whose greatest joys in life are eating sweets, being nice, and being nice while eating sweets. While High School Girls wasn’t exactly a good series, I felt it was one of the more realistic depictions of high school girls. MariMite also falls on the more accurate side of the spectrum, what with the nice smiles and pleasant talk as characters are actually executing a high-stakes political maneuver (high-stakes for high schoolers, of course). Little is more entertaining than hidden barbs.

So, if K-ON! were real… well, let’s just snag a representative scene from my own high school days involving pastries:

SCENE: A small-ish, slightly run-down pastry shop with a cracked tile floor, faded green awning, and fluorescent lighting. A group of girls is crowded around a too-small table with unsteady legs.

Night: Oh, you got a scone?

Day: Yeah, cinnamon. They’re pretty good.

Night: Oh, maybe I should’ve gotten that… hey, Afternoon, what’d you get?

Afternoon: A muffin-top.

Night: What? Why the fuck did you get a muffin-top?

Afternoon: ‘Cause I don’t wanna be fat like you!

Night: You bitch!

Morning: Aww, fuck, Ricky’s calling.

Day: Oh?

Morning: Shit, he’s gonna want a booty call later or something. Ugh, his dick was tiny, I left as fast as I could last time… God, I’ve got my period fucking awful right now, too.

Day: Oh, that sucks. Hey, I’m gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.

Night: I’M NOT FAT.

Afternoon: Yeah you are! All you ever do is eat shit!

Night: That’s your specialty. *eyes the scone* *eats a corner of it*

Afternoon: See!

Night: At least I’m not a bitch like you!

Day: Hey, who the fuck ate my scone?!

Afternoon: That bitch did.

Day: Why the fuck did you eat my scone?

Night: I wanted to try it.

Day: Then get your own fucking scone!

Night: Its just a fucking corner!!!!!

Day: FUCK YOU.

Morning: Fucking hell, that ass-hole keeps calling me! Dammit, I was just horny that time, he just doesn’t seem to get that.

Night: Oh, Ricky? Yeah, he’s fucking retarded.

Day: *eats the scone quickly and chokes*

Night: You’re fucking retarded, too.

Day: You’re the fucking retard, I had to eat it so you wouldn’t, ass-hole.

Night: Fuck you, bitch.

Afternoon: Morning, just block his number or something.

Morning: Then he’ll just try to talk to me in school!

Afternoon: Well, then get a new fuck-buddy or something, geez.

Morning: He’s not my fuck-buddy! We only had sex once!

Afternoon: Well… just get someone, who the fuck cares? Just so you can say, “No, sorry, I’m dating this guy.”

Morning: FUUUUUCCCCCKKKK

Day: Fuck, I hate all of you. You have shitty taste in guys and you steal people’s food.

Morning: Look, it was only one time with Ricky. At least I actually fuck people instead of just watching porn all the time!

Day: I only read it, ass-hole!

Night: GAY PORN

Day: Yeah, well, gay porn gives me less STD’s than you bitches have. How many abortions are you up to, Morning?

Morning: Only once, fucktard!

Afternoon: Haha, Night’s had more.

Night: Fuck you.

Morning: Naw, she’s just pregnant with food.

Night: Fuck you, too!

Day: Goddammit, all this arguing and sex-talk is making me horny. I hate you fuckers.

Morning: Haha, yeah, well, you AREN’T a fucker, are you?

Afternoon: Hey, hey, non-fuckers are cool, too, we have more money to spend on things other than condoms and preg tests. We will also never star in one of those fucking MTV shitshows!

Night: Yeah, you’re just so classy, you’re gonna be a star on some VH1 show about anorexia.

Afternoon: Fuck you, bitch.

Day: Fuck all of you.

Morning: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCCCCCKKKKK

Day: Damn, we’re gonna get fucking tossed, we’re so fucking obnoxious.

Afternoon: We’re the only bitches in here!

Night: Bitches and hoes bitches and hoesssss

END SCENE

Yeah, I could go on for longer than that, but I figure that’s enough to get the gist of it. We sometimes got a lot cruder, but I figured I’d at least try to pretend that this blog has some dignity. ‘Cause, y’know, after posting a Shiki porn fic and all those hentai reviews I can pretend that my blog has any dignity at all.

So, succinctly – K-ON! is unintentionally hilarious to me.

Anyway, hopefully I’ll have some better posts than this coming up in the next couple of days. I feel like I’ve had a lot of absurd posts lately, so seems like high-time for something decent, huh?