I’m Thankful for… the Fact That I’m Not an Anime Character

And how.

Well, today was Thanksgiving here in America, and, as always, it is a day in which we are implored to give thanks and to think about things for which we are thankful.

Well, you know what? I’m thankful that I’m not an anime character (and that I’m alive, but, hell, that’s just a boring thing to be thankful for, isn’t it?). So, without further ado, my top reasons I’m glad I’m not an anime character, along with one reason which sadly failed to make the list:

1. No one will ever tell me that I MUST SAVE THE WORLD!

There areย  no giant robots, no magical girls, no insidious card-games, no whatever-the-fucks with which I must accept my destiny and save the world with, my own personal desires be damned. I can sit at the dining room table, chuck the TV out the window, and eat my Thanksgiving dinner in between shrieking at relatives and getting tackled all over the lawn by my fleet of tiny cousins without having to worry about some ass-hole monster-of-the-week-type fucking shit up and requiring that I make awkward excuses as I run off to jump into my robot/transform into a mini-skirt and gauze in order to save the day. THANK YOU.

2. No one will ever find my porn at the most inopportune moment.

So, I let a few of my little cousins into my lair/bedroom earlier today while they were here. They were getting antsy, so I figured it’d be a good way to occupy them until it was time for dessert. It was only once we got into my room that I realized that I had a volume of BL sitting out on the floor. If my life were an anime, one of those little ones would’ve picked it up the exact moment I noticed it and run off with it to show their mother. As it was, I jammed it behind the book-case so fast I’m shocked that I didn’t get splinters. And all those cousins? Yeah, they were just entranced by my Zoids models and hadn’t noticed a thing.

3. I do not have a female friend who spends most of her time molesting me.

I’m not into molestation, so something to be very thankful for. My friends and I may be a crude bunch, but no one is around grabbing my boobs or threatening to stab guys with forks if they come near me.

4. I will never wake up in a harem show.

Halle-fucking-lujah. If I like a guy and decide to pursue him, six other girls don’t immediately do the same. Maybe half a dozen other girls like him! Maybe they don’t! No one is around trying to do awkward seduction techniques or trying to poison me or crying everywhere. And there are no creepy camera angles nor do gusts suddenly materialize when I decide to wear a short, loose skirt. I do not fall down randomly, and I will not find myself with some sad problem that needs fixing or a rare disease that will kill me unless I am LOVED~. And I will not suddenly find the most boring, wussy guy alive SO HOT and SO IRRESISTIBLE.

5. I am not a walking panty shot.

Self-explanatory. Also related to the reason above.

Items sadly not making the list:

1. I do not get nosebleeds when I’m turned on or having pervy thoughts.

This was going to make the list. But then I got an absolutely explosive nosebleed while watching hentai recently. My nose seemed to have turned into a faucet! It splashed onto my keyboard! I had to get up and get some kleenex, and, fuck, I’m not even a guy! Dammit, Japan!

Alright, now I’m going to watch some Shiki. Clearly a very Thanksgiving-y show.

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14 Responses to I’m Thankful for… the Fact That I’m Not an Anime Character

  1. Shance says:

    Reality BANZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

  2. Yumeka says:

    LOL, great list ๐Ÿ˜„ Happy (belated) Thanksgiving!

    • adaywithoutme says:

      Haha, thanks, I had more, but then I remembered that Shiki’s latest episode was streaming, so I ditched early on it.

  3. Baka-Raptor says:

    I’m pretty sure you’ve written about 5 posts about wanting to be a magical girl and 2 posts about people finding your porn. However, to your credit, I don’t recall you ever writing about any girls groping you, or guys groping you for that matter.

    • adaywithoutme says:

      I wrote ONE post about wanting to be a magical girl, and that was a while back. I don’t remember anything about people finding my porn, but if it happened more than six months ago, well…

      I think the last time I was ever groped by another girl was on my fifteenth birthday. So awkward.

  4. KiraRin says:

    There is nothing wrong with a playful gust of wind that just happens to lift the skirt ๐Ÿ˜›

  5. glothelegend says:

    Who wouldn’t want all of these things? Aside from same gender-molestation, I would enjoy having everything on this list happen to me. In fact, I have a post ready to be thrust into the world that slightly relates to this. Maybe I’ll post it soon. Maybe I won’t. Maybe go fuck yourself.

  6. Hana says:

    Aw come on, you know you wana star in your own shoujo!

    • Aorii says:

      I was about to say… x)
      It’s not ALL bad— let’s just ignore the moe demographics for starters; no kanonjotachi, no pathos porn, stuff gets better much faster

  7. Yi says:

    Haha, nice list. I’m thankful for those too.
    Loll, your nose actually burst out in blood while reading hentai? Oh you lech. ^ ^

    Anyways, hope you had a good weekend!

    • adaywithoutme says:

      It was pretty shocking to have that happen to me – I think it is since all the heating systems have been coming on lately, so everything is all dried out (including my poor nose). But it was definitely funny after the fact.

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