Well, today was Thanksgiving here in America, and, as always, it is a day in which we are implored to give thanks and to think about things for which we are thankful.
Well, you know what? I’m thankful that I’m not an anime character (and that I’m alive, but, hell, that’s just a boring thing to be thankful for, isn’t it?). So, without further ado, my top reasons I’m glad I’m not an anime character, along with one reason which sadly failed to make the list:
1. No one will ever tell me that I MUST SAVE THE WORLD!
There are no giant robots, no magical girls, no insidious card-games, no whatever-the-fucks with which I must accept my destiny and save the world with, my own personal desires be damned. I can sit at the dining room table, chuck the TV out the window, and eat my Thanksgiving dinner in between shrieking at relatives and getting tackled all over the lawn by my fleet of tiny cousins without having to worry about some ass-hole monster-of-the-week-type fucking shit up and requiring that I make awkward excuses as I run off to jump into my robot/transform into a mini-skirt and gauze in order to save the day. THANK YOU.
2. No one will ever find my porn at the most inopportune moment.
So, I let a few of my little cousins into my lair/bedroom earlier today while they were here. They were getting antsy, so I figured it’d be a good way to occupy them until it was time for dessert. It was only once we got into my room that I realized that I had a volume of BL sitting out on the floor. If my life were an anime, one of those little ones would’ve picked it up the exact moment I noticed it and run off with it to show their mother. As it was, I jammed it behind the book-case so fast I’m shocked that I didn’t get splinters. And all those cousins? Yeah, they were just entranced by my Zoids models and hadn’t noticed a thing.
3. I do not have a female friend who spends most of her time molesting me.
I’m not into molestation, so something to be very thankful for. My friends and I may be a crude bunch, but no one is around grabbing my boobs or threatening to stab guys with forks if they come near me.
4. I will never wake up in a harem show.
Halle-fucking-lujah. If I like a guy and decide to pursue him, six other girls don’t immediately do the same. Maybe half a dozen other girls like him! Maybe they don’t! No one is around trying to do awkward seduction techniques or trying to poison me or crying everywhere. And there are no creepy camera angles nor do gusts suddenly materialize when I decide to wear a short, loose skirt. I do not fall down randomly, and I will not find myself with some sad problem that needs fixing or a rare disease that will kill me unless I am LOVED~. And I will not suddenly find the most boring, wussy guy alive SO HOT and SO IRRESISTIBLE.
5. I am not a walking panty shot.
Self-explanatory. Also related to the reason above.
Items sadly not making the list:
1. I do not get nosebleeds when I’m turned on or having pervy thoughts.
This was going to make the list. But then I got an absolutely explosive nosebleed while watching hentai recently. My nose seemed to have turned into a faucet! It splashed onto my keyboard! I had to get up and get some kleenex, and, fuck, I’m not even a guy! Dammit, Japan!
Alright, now I’m going to watch some Shiki. Clearly a very Thanksgiving-y show.